Manifesto!

Wednesday 11:00 a.m.
I think I'm definitely the kind of joe who should be running this country. By that, I mean Scotland. Once the Tory basturns are back in power, I don't expect there to be a United Kingdom for very much longer.

I don't mind running the country as long as it doesn't mean having to do any work. I don't mind telling minions to do things for about an hour or so a day. Maybe half an hour.

I don't think there's really any problem with killing people as long as you sneak up on them and they don't get frightened. Folk have no souls ... we are just a collection of stuff like senses, perceptions, etc. - so I regard killing people in much the same way as I regard killing animals. It's okay if you sneak up on them and they're not expecting it. Unless you're a vegetarian or are some kind of religious nut, I don't see how you can have a problem with this.

The first folk for the chop are the headmasters of primary schools. If you're running a school where the percentage of pupils leaving it innumerate and illiterate reaches about eighteen percent (which is normal these days) you will be given a big bunch of flowers and told you're getting a pay rise and promotion (which is what happens now), but while the huge grin is still on your face, you get shot in the back of the head.

The second group of folk to get the bullet in the back of the skull are the headmasters of the secondary schools. If half the kids can't write properly by the time they're fourteen (the current condition), you get shot.

Unfortunately, my government will have to leave the private education sector alone for the time beingsince it's only in this sector than anyone still gets taught anything.

Here are some other little points I'd like to make
1) The working week will be cut to fifteen hours. That's three hours a day for five days which is quite enough for anyone.
2) Everyone should be given the dole whether they've got a job or not. If we cannot afford this, we should sell a bit of the country to the United States and a bit of the country to Russia, or China, or anyone else who wants it. This would be very good for world peace.
3) People who don't meditate for at least two hours a day will be shot. There are far too many lazy basturn flatheids in this country and not enough blissheids by a mile. People who don't meditate are profoundly stupid and we'd be better off without them.
4) My government would encourage mass immigration from the Bongo Bongo. Efricans are much nicer folk than the wee schemie basturns they attend this educational establishment with; they appreciate the chance to learn; and the girls are sometimes stunning looking; and we need bigger people so we can win the World Cup someday.
5) I would encourage mass immigration from anywhere that's buddhist. Obviously, these are countries full of smart basturns. Also, the women in these countries are at least brown and often deeply gorgeous. Unfortunately, they don't seem to like football as much as the Efricans, but for the buddhism ...
6) All drugs will be legal. Who said the state was there to stop you taking drugs?
There are a few other changes I'd like to make, but I haven't got any time left. Ihave to go home now and have a wee sleep.