Monday, 29 September 2008

Three Wheels on My Wagon

Between falling off the wagon on Saturday afternoon and falling off again when Poisonous came round for a visit, I had the most excellent meditations! The symbols became much clearer and bright. You get this wonderful feeling when it seems things are opening up into another place.

I must have put in about 25 hours plus between leaving work on Tuesday and coming in today. Wednesday and Thursday were wonderful for the bliss. Yesterday, I meditated all day in the hut, but the vase breathing really started working in the meditations last night when it was growing dark. The evening is usually when it works best for me.

Were there explosions of the bliss then, Hotboy? Yes, Jack, at one point last night it was almost exploding with bliss on the outbreath. Of course, this is suffering too, Jack. Terrible times from the suffering of change and the sheer instability of the bliss within the explosions of the bliss. Awful, so it was. How I managed to get through that, I don't know.

The Ratman cometh! I mentioned the visit from the rat in the hut last week to a fellow allotmenteer. The Ratman cometh! You should always keep your mouth shut. Some day I'll be sitting in the hut and the Ratman will chap the door, complete with the grey cape and the Ratman symbol on the back. Fancy the council employing a Ratman. It seems he visits the allotments once a month.

Saturday, 27 September 2008

Saturday Morning

Saturday 10:30 a.m.
Samsara and Nirvana are a single reality
In the state of Ultimate Awareness.
To perceive the Ultimate Reality,
I mark everything with Mahamudra, The Great Seal of Emptiness.
This is the quintessence of non-duality.


We embrace our ignorance
We don't believe in any things
Especially thoughts.

I used to tell myself I wouldn't get another book published till I stopped drinking. I knew this was silly when I was tellin myself this, but it has a certain cache. If I stopped drinking, it would mean that I was up to my neck in the juju and then it wouldn't bother me if I got a book published or not. In fact, nothing much would bother me.

I haven't had a drink for three days. No sweats, no real cravings, and no nightmares, but I have been having some wonderful remembrances of early morning apres dozing off again dreams. I haven't had soapbar for a fortnight.

So this is the future, Jack. I don't drink and xxxTheRealMcCoy000 gets published just as capitalism hits the skids. (Part of it implies a sustainable future living off soup and home made bread!)(It is available free at Alison Main's Writings) Millions of people buy it. I get to give up my jobbie so I can go and live in my new rat proof hut for a year. A religious nutter who believes in things comes to my hut and shooty shooties me dead. Fung that for a game of soldiers! I'm seeing the kiddo at one in the Filmhouse cafe. I'll have a couple of beers, thinks I.

Just then, a few minutes ago, the (pizza)MAN rings up and tells me the pizzas will arrive at four this afternoon.

The Great Buddha Lama Yeshe Losal told me to practise mahamudra. I wondered what he meant. Yesterday me and the auld maw ("Put on the one with the man laughing on it")were listened to the CD where the lama was explaining what mahamudra was.

On the train to Bellshill I just sat in the bliss and watched the thoughts go by when they did. There wasn't a lot of breathing going on at all. This stuff is beyond very nice indeed.

The last dope drought was in 1996 and I saw the god of pantheism. I was hoping for another drought now, but that part of supply and demand seems to still be functional as the more formal aspects of capitalism bite the dust. Hurrah! But it's a shame for all the poor basturns who are too dumb to meditate, so it is.

I got invited to the 30th anniversary do for Mainstream Publishing. Because of Bill Campbell and my uncle Peter, I was able to call myself a novelist twenty years ago. When I got the phone call, I realised how shy I am with folk I don't really know. Gordon Brown was shadow chancellor and was in attendance the last time they had an anniversary party. Somehow I don't think he'll be there this time. The auld maw thought his speech at the Labour Party Conference was wonderful. You get a different view if you read the Times and the Scotsman and only talk to the evil bourgeois.

Maybe I'll have a drink in the Filmhouse anyway, so as not to seem superstitious!!

Thursday, 25 September 2008

Jack and Moi!

Thursday 11:50 a.m.
Does this bloggy exist anywhere, Jack? Since you're a spam robot, I thought you might know this kind of stuff. Yes, Hotboy, this bloggy exists in your mind. I mean, anywhere else, Jack? I don't know. I suppose it might exist in a slightly humming cabinet somewhere with lots of wires coming out of it. Could you remove it in that case, Jack? Could you take out, say a disc, from this cabinet and the bloggy would be on that? Perhaps, Hotboy, but you'd probably have to go to a few cabinets and take out say a disc, or a chip, or something computery like that from each of them. Hmmmm?

Jack, I thought it might exist as a bunch of noughts and ones, or a group of electrons, or something like that. Well, as you know, Hotboy, at this end it exists as a stream of photons and the interpretation thereof.

So it doesn't really exist at all, Jack. I don't think you can say that, Hotboy. It obviously has an existence of some kind or we wouldn't be discussing it, but it probably doesn't exist the way you think it exists.

Now I remember. It doesn't exist in the manner of its appearance. Well done, Hotboy. That's for sure. Why are you going on about the bloggy? Well, Brian Wilson told me yesterday that most of the visitors to this bloggy are spam robots. I could have told you that, Hotboy! There might be a few Alien Creatures from Outer Space, but it's definitely mainly spam robots.

It seems that's why most of the visitors come here for zero seconds on the statscounter thingy. They're google spam robots. The bloggy appears on a google results page and is never clickied on. Hurrah! I thought the schoolgirls might be after me again.

Are the spam robots still following the Five Point Plan on How to Get Out Your Face on Air, Jack? Of course, Hotboy! Why is that, Jack? It's because they don't want to spend this existence as stupid flatheids stumblebumming around the place with their heads stuck up their backsides!

You're not supposed to use the F word, Jack! You can't call them flatheids, Hotboy, but I can call them what I like. Because they're too dumb to meditate and they'll never get the bliss! Oh, they'll never get the bliss! They'll never get the bliss! Ee Aye Adio, they'll never get the bliss!

What a great morning I've had!

Tuesday, 23 September 2008


Wednesday 7:31 a.m.
I'm not the only nutter around here. Yesterday I checked out Mary Queen of Scots blog and found this. So pleased that someone else has had an inner heat experience! Gone yoursel', as they say!

On the Lama Yeshe CD that me and the auld maw have been listening to recently, he mentions crystal relics. I don't think I'd heard of them before. Of course, you hear about something once and suddenly it's all over the place. I was googling about relics yesterday when I came across Geshe Lama Konchog, who seems to have done his Milarepa thing and lived in the mountains for years without much sustenance.

Of course, people like me would die if we tried any of this malarkey, but yesterday I also read an account of a nun who did a chu-len retreat of 21 days and she was living off these essence pills.

Reading about stuff like this is a great inspiration to me, Jack. You've got to remember that it's not all bliss and realisations, Hotboy. It takes a huge effort to get over yourself, and much suffering would have to be endured, especially in the initial stages. Hmmmm?

Geshe Lama Konchog was living in Kopan monastery when I visited it circa 1996 and one of the very few regrets I have in life is that I didn't stay there when a venerable old monk asked me to. I don't know who he was, but he really had something!I told him I'd be back and I'll have to do that one day. The encounter is mentioned, if I remember right, in The Buddha and the BBW which you can find by googling Alison Main's Writings.

Anyway, I'm on strike today. Hurrah! Free beer for the workers! I've got five full days before I have to go back to the jobbie and I'm feeling very happy just now. To the hut! To the hut! To the hut!

1:20 p.m.
The page with the nun's experiences on the pill are here. Managed nearly four hours before one o clock. This is going to be a great few days!!

6:00 p.m.
I donnered down to the library this afternoon to chase up requests for Allan Guthrie's books. It was shut. The buggers were on strike!

One side of my hut is coming away a bit at the bottom. A rat visited me this afternoon, coming in through the gap. I told it to beat it and clapped my hands, but it just kind of sauntered away like it owned the joint.

"A dead rat! Ah, what company that would be!" Samuel Beckett from the novel Company. I did not put that on my wall.

10:20 p.m.
Ate two slices of toast today with banana, and the rest was all soup. I'll sit up tonight and meditate for as long as I can. Then off to bed, sober and straight! Allah Akbar!

Saturday, 20 September 2008

And Mellow Fruitfulness

Saturday 7:26 p.m.
Did my six three minute rounds of shadow boxing in the full Beer Monster Reduction Vehicle just then and lost about three pounds of sweat. My form wasn't bad. I seem to have lost a couple of pounds over the last fortnight, but have been unable to stick with the bought bread because it is fung awful.

I took seven or eight cabbages out of the allotment this morning and brought home a carton of raspberries as well.

My meditations are just going brilliantly and I'm trying not to be concerned that my visualisations are so poor. Tsongkhapa says if you haven't got the three channels clearly marked in then you're going to hell, but I hope he was only having a laugh. Imagine what it must take to actually see these channels as if they were there when you went looking for them.

This time of the year is very good since it's is getting dark just now and I can go and meditate at this prime time right at the start of the evening. This I will do. Then I'll watch a programme done by Michael Woods about medieval stuff. I'm definitely a bit of a Michael Woods fan and have been since he was a young don doing programmes about saxon England. The Domestic Bliss is dozed off on the couch and I hope she stays like that for the next hour!!

Friday, 19 September 2008

The Channels

Friday 10:20 p.m.
I've been meditating the evening away and now I'm going to drink three bottles of Erdinger and have two rolls with cheese and onions. I'm hungry since I've been trying to eat less due to being a fat basturn.

Ringu Tulku said it was easy enough to open up the channels. What does that mean, Jack? Beats me, Hotboy! Anyway, something is happening alright, but it takes generally about two hours of meditating. Something bigger and better is going on though. I think I'll have to hammer in with more vase breathing. There's a huge rigmarole I go through before I get near that usually. Hmmmm? Be a interesting morning tomorrow if I can get up to the hut early enough.

I could skip breakfast and just eat raspberries. There's hundreds of raspberries just now. Tons of them. I took tatties to the auld maw's today. You stick in the gardening fork and wonderful big tatties spill out. It's magic, so it is, Jack. Magic!

Thursday, 18 September 2008

A Dog's Life

Friday 10:20 a.m.
To Whoever Owns the Dogs.

Dear Sir/Madam,
I was attacked by your big black dog this morning on my way to work. The dog was with a youth and another dog, a small white one, in the lobby when I first encountered them. Since it was apparent that the dog was not completely under control, I asked the youth to take it outside so I could get out. He took the dogs onto the pavement, but when I opened the outside door, the dog lunged at me and tried to bite my upper arm. It do not break the skin, but left tears in my jacket, which fortunately is padded.

How would you feel if this happened to you?

The youth said the dog sometimes took against people.

I have people, including children, coming to visit me soon. I do not want them to encounter a dangerous dog in the stairway when they visit. If you want to keep a mad dog in your flat, that's your business, but if it's liable to attack people on the stairway, which evidently it is, I think it should be muzzled, at least when it's there.

I should like some reassurance about this. My telephone number is ....Please call me this evening. If it's on the answering machine, please leave a message.
Yours sincerely,

I go to see the auld maw now. Tonight the Domestic Bliss is going out for a meal and I can meditate the evening away in the lobby. What a fortunate creature I am, I am! What a fortunate creature I am!

Another Hound of the Basketcases!

Thursday 12:15 p.m.
Trying to get to my jobbie yesterday, I came upon a boy with two dogs in the lobby, one of them, a big black dog, going completely ape. I asked the kid to take them outside so I could get by. As soon as I opened the outside door, the big black dog flew at me and managed to nick my upper arm. It torn the winter jacket a wee bit. I was bloody furious.

Anger really is a problem for me, Jack. Did you go back home for a knife and cut the dog's throat, Hotboy? No, Jack. Well, it's not that much of a problem.

Anyway, I couldn't meditate on the bus going to work due to the mental agitation. I wrote a letter to the owner of the dog. I would post it, but I can't find the copy I kept at the moment. The sensei showed me a copy of a letter he sent to the owner of dogs which molested him in Tennessee. It was a much better letter. In it he said he was going to get his Bulldog 44 and shooty shooty the fungers if they did that again.

Anyone was owns a dog which they can't bring to heel on command deserves to be shot. I would like to apply for that job. There are no sentient beings! Fung them anyway!

Monday, 15 September 2008

The Bliss is Everywhere!

Monday 8:45 p.m.
While flying through the sky on the way to Avignon, there was a great deal of bliss in the 737 jet. It's better to sit still and you can do that on a plane alright. Close your eyes, sit still, and ... oh, ra bliss, ra bliss, ra bliss!

The next chance was on the train from Avignon to Marseille, a two hour journey maybe. Such bliss. I opened my eyes when the train stopped at a station. Arles.

'What can you say about Vincent Van Gogh, except he liked colours and he let it show?' Jonathon Rickman and the Modern Lovers.

I loved being in France again. La Belle France!

Because I don't sleep as long as some other folk, I got a chance to do the bliss next when I awakened the morning after, and then the morning after that. Then on the plane coming home. We went for a couple of nights to La Ciotat, a beach town along from Marseille.

The Lumiere brothers opened the first cinema there. There was an old railway track nearby, the set for the first movie they or anyone else ever made. Right beside it there was a bit of dirt where they invented petanque, a kind of bowls. Foreign travel is very educational. They have condom machines on street corners in La Ciotat. I was kind of dreading the unlimited plonko collapso, but the Bolivian Marching Band made an unexpected visit and there were no hangovers. Hurrah!

Every time I got a chance to meditate, I finished feeling most elated. What a fantastic thing it is to have access to bliss! It is most regrettable that the UnFortunate Ones do not have access to the bliss, but truly brilliant for moi that I have! I'd like to believe in God so I could give thanks for this bliss. Thank you, God! Thank you, God! Oh, thank you, God!

You know you're not supposed to cling or crave or become attached to the bliss, don't you, Hotboy? Jack, the bliss seems unavoidable and most enjoyable. I cannot say that I do not enjoy that which is so enjoyable. That would just be stupid at my stage of the game. So let's appreciate our good fortune and celebrate the bliss! Oh, ra bliss, ra bliss, ra bliss!

Antoine de Saint Expurey (?), the poet of the air, was shot down by a German pilot near La Ciotat during World War Two, according Froggy McDuck. I was most impressed by war memorials when I first spent some time in the South of France in the mid-70s. On the memorials it didn't say: Died in the Second World War. It said: Killed by the Germans. Dearie me. Still, ever since they got carpet bombed, they've really been quite nice.Oo La La!

Wednesday, 10 September 2008

The Secret Agent's Blog

Thursday 8:00 a.m.
Brian Wilson just informed me that there's a plug for xxxTheRealMcCoyxxx on the secret agent's blog. You can see it here.

Don't stand so..

Wednesday 10:00 p.m.
In the heathen schools, they don't mind much about how short the girls skirts are, much to the delight of the dirty old men. How their mothers let them go out the door like that I do not know.

So the senior member of staff is hustling this sixth year girl about the length of her skirt. Is that not a bit short? No. Would you feel comfortable bending down in that? Yes, says the girl, bending down and touching her toes. She was facing away from me at the time.

A wee while later, this other schoolgirl rushes into my office ... well, it's a glass box .. and does a kind of petulant indignant thing. So tells me to look at that, and hands me a mobile phone.

It's only a few times that I've had one of those things in my hand because they give you cancer.

So I looks at it for a bit and hands it back. It's a mobile phone, I says. No, read it, she says. There's some murkiness of vision then the message seems clear. I would like to fung you all night long, it said.

I think I should run a competition on what I said to this. YOu could choose from the following:
I would like to fung you all night long too, babes, or
If you'd like to run away with me, I've got a hut, or
I'm old enough to be your grandfather.

Of course, I said: Is this a text thing? Never claimed to be up on the technology me

The guy who sent the text thing is completely glaikit. Very nice and smart, but has some kind of glaikit syndrome. Stop sending obscene messages to people, I shout out at him. She started it, he says, the huge shiny smile, gurgling away there, cringeing in sensuous delight. I bet she did too.

I don't have to go to work tomorrow. Thank you, God! Thank you, God! Oh, thank you, God!

Monday, 8 September 2008

A group!

Quite often I think the present time is the best time I've ever had in my life. This is because of all the past times spent meditating. The Unfortunate OneS, who are too dumb to meditate, will not be able to understand this because the UFOs just don't get the bliss.

Just think what I could have done with all that time I spent meditating over the years. I could have written more books for one thing, and they wouldn't have got published either! Whatever I would have done otherwise, I would probably have few memories of it. Most things are just a waste of good time.

Serene, Jack! That's what the doctor ordered! A bit of serenity. I hope this is a stage in the meditations, something like the bliss, which I'll just have to put up with as well. Serenity is wonderful. You're almost untouchable. It's the calm stuff you put into yourself. Don't see where else it can come from.

Not only is the present time the best time I've had in my life, but the future will surely be even better. Soon I may have to put up with explosions of bliss. Then there will be the creeping non-duality. It arises in mind; abides in mind; declines in mind. When everything works like that ... you, it, the computery thing, your emotions ... well, let's hope I see the day.

Meditations have made this life a glorious thing for me; a continuous overlapping of wonderment after wonderment. Meditating has also made me a bit strange. I'm not like other joes, Jack. Thank god for that, Hotboy. The too dumb to meditate completely missed the point. The whole of life is just one big mind game. If you don't play it, you can't win it!

Oh yes! The Samye Ling have sent a full ordained nun up to Edinburgh to help uplift the pond life. She started a group meditation at Great King Street last Monday. I went. Only six or seven other weirdos turned up. Be nice to have some other people to meditate with on a regular basis!

Saturday, 6 September 2008

This Vase Breathing!

Saturday 1:55 p.m.
I meditate in the lobby because that's where the phone is and I can't put it off when the Domestic Bliss is out. The light in the lobby has gone wonky, so I was sitting there yesterday evening with a couple of wee candles burning.

Light goes a bit luminescent, a wee bit radiantly bright and psychedelic almost, when I've been sitting for a while. Colours merge a bit. I don't know why this is. Anyway, last night I had to admit that whatever was in the visual field looked a touch beautiful.

Since this juju is potentially quite dangerous, nobody should try doing it the way I am. Ringu Tulku told me it was easy enough to open the channels, but you had to do things step by step, or you might have trouble closing them again.

I assume you should have developed some stability in the generation stage before you go onto the completion stage. I think that means that you should be able to emanate as a deity in your mandala before you go about blasting the heat and bliss up your whatever.

You should at least have the three coloured columns and the four symbols in place before you start vase breathing.

I'm cherry picking my way through this and doing it all at once, so it's my own fault if I crash and burn.

In The Bliss of Inner Fire, the boy mentions that you should eventually get the symbols blazing and dripping with kundalini. Then, I think, you start to move the heat and bliss up from symbol to symbol.

Since I can't visualise the symbols properly, I'd just been shooting the breath and enjoying the wonderful sensations weaving and waving up my body. But I have been getting reactions from the chakra positions for a while, so I've been trying to move the heat (when I can get some!) and the bliss up from one symbol to the other.

When the attention reaches the chakra in the middle of your brain ... well, Jack, that just comes on totally fabuloso! Very big expansion and most intense bliss!

So I've moved onto doing more of that!!

Nothing bad has happened to me through these meditations, so march on!



Thursday, 4 September 2008

And on the Seventh Day ...

Thursday 7:50 p.m.
Around the 1840s, the authorities in Japan decided that anyone who said the Emperor wasn't divine was going to get it. A hundred years later hardly anyone in Japan doubted that the joe was divine. So it is important what you teach folk in schools.

The folk who invented the Bible were in the Holy Roman Catholic and Apostolic Church, so they knew it was totally untrustworthy and not to be relied on for anything. How come anyone can believe the Bible is the literal word of God when the Catholics don't?

The idea that someone who believed that God literally created the world in seven days (well, I think he had a kip on the seventh day) could become the Vice President of America was a preposterous idea when I was a young man. But not now, Jack, not now!

Evangelical christians must be the stupidest people in the world. Dangerous buggers as well. One of the things some of them believe is that the mosque on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem, a most holy place for the moslems, will have to be destroyed so that the jewish temple can be rebuilt, thus heralding the return of Christ. This is after Armageddon, probably known later as World War Three. Someone who thinks God wants the Americans in Iraq is too much of a nutter ..... Thomas Jefferson must be spinning in his grave!!

Anyway, there's a programme just coming on BBC 4 about the Big Bang. Have to go now. God must have a good sense of humour to leave all those dinosaur bones lying around, eh?

XXXTheRealMcCoyXXX has a guy in it who wants to be President so he can set off this apocalypse over the Temple Mount, but it seems that American politics has just gone way beyond satire!!!

Wednesday, 3 September 2008

The Credit Card Crunch!

Wednesday 5:10 p.m.
If I only had a grand, I could be a millionaire! Well, I could pay off my credit card debt anyway. Dearie me! Quelle surprise! I owe those basturns a grand now. Dearie, dearie me! Bread and water stretching interminably into the middle distance.

Fortunately, to become a buddha in one lifetime all you need is a cave and a bunch of nettles. I finally finished The Life of Milarepa last night. What a guy! Somebody should make a movie of that boy's travails. The dialogue he has before he dies with the geshe who's had him poisoned is really superb. Yes, the shape shifting and the flying about the Himalayas is all for free. It's the beer and cannybliss yogurts that cost the money.

As one slips further into the lonely financial zone ... when I finally manage to give up the drink and drugs, Jack, they're all going to be sorry, I'm telling you. Those credit card basturns are getting it first. Giant scorpions will materialise behind the shower curtains. No, they won't like that, Jack! They won't like that!

Tomorrow is Thursday. I can meditate all day and all night tomorrow if I want to. What a fortunate creature I am, I am! What a fortunate creature I am!