Wednesday, 30 July 2008


Thursday 00:43 a.m.
The kiddo asked what I'd been doing today. I said I started sitting in the lobby about ten, and finished (after breaks) about threeish. Then I went out for a run. Then I meditated again before eating the cannibliss yogurt and heading out to see the Batman.

I do not think she thought that was very interesting.

I said what I cannot tell you about the day concerns the bliss and the amazing heat which one time I got blasting up the whatever. This is because she does not meditate. People who do not meditate are called TheUnfortunateOnes, or UFOs, and so they are.

Then I'm sitting there watching the Batman when this kind of heat starts to fill the top of my chest area and shoulders. By then the cannibliss yogurt was coming on. I thought .... hmmmm? ... that's maybe not right. The heat wasn't skin deep, but a lot deeper than that. I thought that this was similar to the sunburn kind of heat you can get just under your skin. I've had that. So I thought that this wasn't the right kind of heat, and knew that because I'd read Tsongkhapa in the Glen Mullin translation.

The shit is just starting to hit the fan.

Some day, Jack, I will be sitting there and it will be freaky way beyond anything you can imagine now. What can I say, Jack? Tell them you're a hotboy and you will not run away. We don't run away. The dharma has come to Scotland.

Well, I think I'll go out and buy some fags now. Enough of this nonsense!

1:10 a.m.
The fag shop was shut!

I remembered the first time I ran 15 miles. I'd only been doing about 5 miles before this. On my own, I was running up the North Bridge in severe agony. I will never be as bad as that again, ever. So I had a first look at the hills at about Brandon Place, and they seemed a long way away, and up, and I knew it wasn't ever going to hurt the way it had that day when I was running up North Bridge yon time. And we are hotboys. So I dragged the fat ugly basturn up the hills.

The Domestic Bliss was told about the strange heat during the Batman film. She's trying to take these things in her stride, as you would if you were her. And I was me. I might have another beer. I'm definitely going to wake up tomorrow feeling happy again. Feeling happy even once is probably quite unusual.

2:12 a.M.
The great thing about the Batman is that he is Scottish. Dr Jeckyll and Mr Hyde. And the boy who re-invented the comics was Scottish. So when the kiddo was a kiddo, she had to wait with the other while I went off to Bellshill on a Saturday morning. The disrespected .... when Spagetti Sam offted the Batman ... what a great line! Offted! I wish I had written that! Take my hat off to you, so I do!


Wednesday 3:00 p.m.
This morning I wakened up feeling happy again. It's great that, so it is. I'm really enjoying this holiday.

Last night I went for a short run, took a cannibliss yogurt and lay in the bath for two hours. My favourite thing, apart from meditating, is lying in the bath. Being exhausted and getting stoned through the bliss is ... well, I won't go on because if you don't have access to the bliss, you'll never understand how great a time that could be!

For the purposes of this new bloggy, I've decided to call the sad basturns, excluding family members, who don't meditate UFOs, short for UnFortunateOnes. As far as I know, the Domestic Bliss hasn't got any UFOs pencilled in till a week tomorrow. And I got paid yesterday. What a wonderful week I'm going to have!

This evening I have to go en famille to see Batman. Before that, I'm going to take my beer belly out for a longer run, after which I may require medical assistance to get into the bath. Then a yogurt before going out to watch two and a half hours of nonsense and things blowing up. Looking forward to it.

Last year at this time, I remember hoping I'd get xxRaBlissBookxx published, or word about that, before I had to go back to the jobbie. Even although the secret agent is trying with two other books at the moment, I don't expect either of them to find a publisher. I think the agent taking me on was a mistake he made due to lack of experience. It's good for me since I don't have to deal with rejections, but it's a shame for him. Now, if I'd started The Revenge of the Traffic Wardens a year and a half ago ...

Tuesday, 29 July 2008

रा Halfway

Tuesday 3:50 p.m.
I wakened up this morning feeling happy. This is not usual. I was so pleased that I was on holiday and still have nearly three weeks left. What a fortunate creature!

Yesterday, and most of today, we in the capital city were inflicted with haar, some kind of sea fog. Undaunted I cycled down to Cramond and along the promenade into the teeth of a contrary and cold wind. After an hour and a half on the bike, I was buggered for anything else.

I read once that you could believe in chakras or not, according to your taste. Maybe they correspond to nerve nexuses, but maybe they don't. Who cares? In the Disbelieving Congregation, we don't believe in any things, so .... In collecting the Four Blisses, you seem to have to move down your spine (and up it), getting big sweeties from the chakras.

You should maybe be in a breathless state for this part of the juju, but I've been getting noticeable effects at the four chakra points for ages. We're talking about bliss here; like the envelope expanding at these junctures and you thinking: Wow! whilst tryng not to think of anything. For some reason, I'm getting more on the way down .... like if I'm trying to pour something down from a deity above my head ... than I am on the way up.

The top chakra used in the deity yoga juju is bang right in the middle of your brain. I don't understand that. You'd think it would be just under your crown or at your third eye. The pineal gland is right in the middle of your brain. There some odd things about the pineal gland, but I can't remember what they are now!

The sun has just come out. I think I'll take a book to the Botanic Gardens!

Monday, 28 July 2008

थिस thismalfunctions

Monday 1:45 p.m.
As I write this, my secret agent is awaitng news from various publishers about two of my novels, xxLightInTheDarkx and xxTheRealMcCoyxx. Both of these books are available, along with four other, unpublished novels on my webpage, Alison Main's Writings and you can clicky on it here.

My secret agent thinks I only write books about people sitting meditating in caves, but one of the books on my webpage (xxBomberxx) is about crime in a way. At least, folk get shot and blown up, and commit crimes in it. There hardly seems much point in writing another crime book when I can't get the literary agent to look at the first one, but I'm going to start writing another crime book because I actually enjoy writing novels, and I'm not writing one at the moment.

Whenever I have been able, I have genuinely tried to write something that might do somebody some good. Nobody is in the slightest bit interested, so I'm going to write a crime book. I should go and read some more crime books, but I haven't got the time. Here's how my crime book is going to start, so far anyway.

A traffic warden walks into a small, south London bar. He takes out a gun and shoots dead two men sitting at a table on either side of another man. This third man is shot and wounded. The traffic warden then takes out a sharpened screw driver and start to stab the wounded man in the head, in the time honoured frenzied fashion. He stabs him 97 times including several times through both eyes. Due to the severity of the stabbing, there is a hole in the man's skull big enough to put your hand into. The traffic warden starts to scoop out some of the brains and scatter them around the pub, on the walls, etc. He stands up and shouts: Traffic Wardens, ya bass! repeatedly at the top of his voice. Two other traffic wardens rush in and pull the killer out of the pub, him still screaming Traffic Wardens, ya bass! at the top of his lungs.

Ya bass, of course, places the killer as someone from the west of Scotland and is vital to the plot!!

I have to say how well the folk have been treating me. I failed to add a code to the whatsits and just emailed them with the username and password (and reading recommendations regarding Alison Main), saying I was too old to work this stuff. So they did it themselves. Had to have two goes since I was in a bit of a delicate state when I emailed them originally and gave them the wrong passwords. Terrific support service. I think they were Indians.

Unfortunately, the statistics said that 15 folk hit this bloggy today and that has got to be the phonus balonus! I think most of those hits must be spam robots and alien creatures, like the cyberspider. Nice folk them Indians anyway.

Saturday, 26 July 2008


Saturday 2:00p.m.
Practising vajrayana is the sweetest thing in my life. For the preliminaries, you are supposed to have done your 100,000 prostrations, your 100,000 recitations of the 100 syllable mantra, and so on. Well, I haven't done any of that.

I've got a book about the Medicine Buddha sadhana and I've taken that as a kind of outline. I'm not using the right symbols for the chakras and I'm not using the correct mantras either. And I can't get near the visualisations.

However, I have had the empowerment to practise it and that seems to be the main thing. When I was going through this empowerment juju, I was trying my best. If you've been brought up a catholic, maybe this is easier since you'll be used to getting for head together for receiving sacraments. So I reckon the main thing about the empowerment is that you're trying to be open and sincere. Obviously, you have to empower yourself.

Despite not doing any of this in the correct way, thus treading on dangerous waters not recommended by anyone, and also being a disgrace to the juju in my recreational habits, I think I can now almost do this juju! I've just spent the last hour or so venting bliss and heat up my body. So I think I'll just go back and keep it up.

If you crash and burn, you crash and burn. Eh, Jack? Where's little Jack gone?

Hello to Diana from Belgium!

Tuesday, 22 July 2008

New Beginnings

Friday 25th July, 2008. 22:40 p.m.
In the three days since I got back from the Samye Ling, it seems apparent that the week I spent down there meditating has moved my ability to perform deity yoga on a good bit. I have a blogging conference coming up this Saturday, but after that I'm definitely giving everything up and winging my way towards even more bliss, heat and ecstasy than usual.

I've just tried and failed miserably to attach a statscounter thingy to this blog, despite having no problems at all doing this in the previous two blogs I've written. Is this a sign of mental deterioration? Probably!

I spent a couple of hours this morning up the allotment. I think we've had this allotment now for about 12 years, and the plants have grown better this year than at any other time. This has nothing to do with me. The earth has become more fertile round these parts, probably due to ... who knows? But there's never been a potato crop like it!

I was digging over what had been two beds of onions this morning and trying to work out why digging is so tiring. Basically, every spadeful involves a minor knee bend, coming up with some weight on the end of the spade. Forget the arms. If you just think of the legs, after I'd finished digging this very small part of the sweet earth, I'd done about 300 minor knee bends. 49 proper knee bends, as I know from the Tai Chi, is enough knee bends for anyone. So, I'm standing there with the sweat running over the front of my glasses, and I still don't know why it is so exhausting. I mean, it's only a wee bit of ground I've been digging here.

Anyway, on Wednesday I had my first allotment dinner of the year. Boiled tatties, fried onions, fried eggs and two fried tomatoes. Delicious! It was enough to make me want to go out and buy a bottle of tomato ketchup, so it was!

Can I come out now? No, Jack. Wait for a bit. Then they'll never find us! Hurrah!