Sunday, 31 August 2008

The Best of Possible...

Sunday 12:23 p.m.
I haven't even looked at the notes for The Revenge of the Traffic Wardens. Getting a secret agent(nearly two years ago now!), has put me off writing really. No point in starting another book somehow. I've written plenty of books.

In the last four years, I've written XXRaBlissBookXXX and I've re-worked the beginning of XXLightInTheDarkXXX and I've re-written XXXTheRealMcCoyXXX. It's time I started writing something else, but it might be time to write something with superb paragraphs and nobody getting stabbed 97 times on the first page. Hmmmm?

In the best of possible worlds, the agent will sell XXXTheRealMcCoyXXX and I will be able to give up my jobbie, by some miracle. Then I'll just go and sit in my hut. Reading the Life of Milarepa has been most inspiring. The sixty caves he meditated in are mentioned in the text. Some of them seem to be quite near Mount Everest. If I ever get any money again, I'd like to visit some of these caves. What a great adventure that would be! I think you can visit some of Guru Rinpoche's caves in Sikkim. So we live in hope!!

The first Rangers and Celtic game is just about to come on the radio. I'm going to do the bliss while listening to it. Who says hotboys can't multitask?

Thursday, 28 August 2008

The Miraculous Universe

Thursday 1:00 p.m.
About fifteen billion years ago, there was supposed to be nothing. No up or down, no sideways, no time, no nothing. Since then we have developed sufficiently to ask if we believe in miracles or not.

It's enough to make you laugh, isn't it, Jack? If the whole shebang isn't just one big blooming miracle, I don't know what is!

But could Milarepa change shape and fly and whatnot, as it says in his biography, Hotboy? How do I know, Jack? In the Disbelieving Congregation we only believe in ignorance, but this is a much more interesting question than it would have been before I started trying to do this juju. Before I started in with the bliss and the heat, I would probably have said that no way could Christ walk on water or raise folk from the dead. These days I'm really a don't know.

Before he started flying about the place, Milarepa bricked himself into a retreat and then burst out of it after having a dream where a dakini told him he'd need to go and get something from his guru. So he goes to Marpa and asks Marpa if his guru, Naropa, had given him the instructions on how to accomplish the Transference of Consciousness into Dead Bodies. Hmmm?

It's much easier if you're one of the morons who don't meditate. These UFOs do not believe in ignorance and think they know stuff even if they don't even know that their heads are flat. The UFOs make assertions, such as, I don't believe this and I do believe that. Well, we all have to do a bit of that when someone tells us the world is run by reptiles or whatever, but there are huge areas where it makes sense to have an open mind. I don't believe in the supernatural. I think I could hang my hat on the insufficiency of knowledge as regards satisfactory explanations. In other words, more bloody ignorance.

I've had a great start to the day. Meditated all morning in the lobby and had soup for lunch. The soup today is made with onions, tatties and cabbage from the allotment plus green lentils and the usual condiments and spices. I have no idea why my food tastes so good. I'm sure it doesn't taste like that to anyone else.

Sunday, 24 August 2008

The tatties!

Sunday 6:35 p.m.
I harvested all the tatties that were growing up one side of the allotment today. I've been getting about a supermarket plastic bag full of tatties for every row; maybe about forty good tatties in a row. There were originally nineteen or twenty rows, if I remember right. Anyway, today I constructed something called a clamp. The tatties are in layers between sheets of newspaper (which is supposed to be straw, I think) with a layer of dirt packed over it. It'll never work, of course, but the rats should like it! Never had such a good potato crop.

The Purification

Sunday 11:48 a.m.
From the translation of The Life of Milarepa by Lobsang P. Lhalungpa. Marpa has a ritual feast at the ten day of each moon. "The monks became drunk. As for the lama, he drank so much beer, and so much beer was offered to him, that he became completely drunk and fell into a deep sleep."

Being brought up a catholic, one has a certain appreciation of saintliness. Maybe we expect our saints to be nice, or, at least, saintly. Meek and mild, and lily white. Going around praying all the time and being humble. I think with this Tibetan juju, you'd be better thinking of ends and means.

I have difficulty with this lack of apparent saintliness, as I would see it from a Christian perspective. Also, if you are involved in cause and effect, you're probably going to have to take some kind of a spanking for doing bad stuff.

Yesterday me and the auld maw were listening to a talk given by Lama Yeshe in 2004. He mentioned Chogyam Trungpa, who helped set up the Samye Ling originally with Dr Akong, and then went to America. The folk at the Samye are untouched really by scandal. Chogyam Trungpa does not appear to be that kind of a guy. The English nun who spent 12 years in the cave said when she met him early on, she knew he had something, but released he was a bit different when he put his hand up her skirt. She certainly wasn't the first one, or the last one! I think I read he was on eight bottles of wine before the drink and lousy lifestyle knocked him off at the grand old age of forty eight. The boy seems to have been far more of a disgrace than I could possibly manage.

I have more trouble with the story about Kalu Rinpoche and his pal bonking the woman who drove them around Europe. He seemed most saintly...
and in his seventies as well!

The lama said it was hard to tell which cats had it and which cat's hadn't. Chogyam stayed in samadhi for seven days at his death, according to the lama. Wikipedia has him down for five days.

So he didn't go into rigor mortis and his heart stayed warm. That's all you can say really from the physical side. This is a sign of being a master of the juju.

I really have made a lot of progress with the meditations over the last couple of weeks. Great thoughtless voids of bliss! However, over the last week I have also developed another gigantic nicotine addiction and I've been drinking home brewed beer practically every night. Tomorrow is really the start of me going back to work since there will be kids at school. Hmmmm? Win some, lose some!


Thursday, 21 August 2008

Retreat! Retreat!

Thursday 1:50 p.m.
Edinburgh has had three times the normal rainfall for August and it's not even the end of August yet. I managed to get up to the allotment between showers yesterday to collect soup supplies, but other than that I haven't really been out much for the last couple of days.

Be nice to go for a run this afternoon if the rain stays off. I'm getting retreatitis. Maybe I could go out and stare into shop windows.

I was only back from the Samye Ling on Saturday for a couple of hours before I was whisked down to Porty to party with the completely lost the plot, what a waste of space, irredeemably bourgeois basturns. There were no young women there that I could see. Next morning, the Domestic Bliss left for a week's holiday somewhere in the middle of nowhere land (the Midlands of Engerland) and left me here on my ownio.

The biography of Milarepa, the fount of this juju from the Tibetan side, is obviously one of the great works of world literature. It was written by one of his disciples. His mum is fabulous. When Milarepa uses black magic to kill 35 of her enemies, folk from the neighbourhood, she rushes out with victory banners flying and marches up and down the road, shouting something like: Get it right up yous, you vonny rotten basturns! Mess with my family and yous will all get it! The whole lot of yous, you horrible basturns that you are!

Of course, there are some improbabilities about Milarepa's story, like him controlling hailstorms, killing folk with black magic, etc. However, one of the most improbable things is that anyone could raise inner heat, the tummo, and thus, as a side effect, be able to prevail against the brass monkey Himalyan weather.

If you could stop it raining, that would be quite good, Hotboy. They're all going to be sorry, Jack! All those people who put me down. I remember seeing this teevee show where the sadhu left the charnel grounds when he might have garnered some siddhis, but had still a false sense of self. This is a sure road to hell and damnation said the boy's guru because he was bound to use his siddhis from selfish ends. Hmmmm?

Fortunately, in the Disbelieving Congregation we do not believe in such things as hell and damnation, so they're all going to get it, Jack! The whole lot of them. Hailstones the size of basketballs!!

I'm going back into the lobby now. The meditations continue to progress.

Saturday, 16 August 2008

Definitely the Last Post!

Saturday 12:27 p.m.
Sometimes I used to think the lama was giving me a present on my last day here when I used to get sumptious meditations before going home. Today ... he might have been at it again. Who knows?

I don't know how close you can get to breathless without being actually breathless, but my breath was pretty subtle sometimes during the last gong bashing session. This involves an awful, awful lot of bliss. I must say it has quite cheered me up. I even spoke to some of my fellow punters afterwards, which is unusual.

Time to float up the road! Back to the horrorshow! Gurls! Feck! Drink!

Friday, 15 August 2008

The Last Samye Ling Post

Friday 9:18 p.m.
I started this new blog when I got back from the Samye Ling about a month ago partly because I thought there had been enough progress with the meditations to warrant a new beginning. Well, this weekend marks the end of my six week summer holiday and I thought I should maybe give a resume of how things are going with the old juju.

There's a bit in the lineage prayer they say here at the start of meditation sessions which goes on about asking to be able to meditate without support. I assume that means without anything particular to fix your concentration on. This, I assume, corresponds to what Tilopa was going on about in the poem quoted a few posts ago. I've been doing this a bit here. Well, if you're meditating for about eight hours a day, there's time to try whatever you like! Anyway, that's been a wee bit of a revelation. You close your eyes and the bliss comes on and you just leave it there. What I'm geting is not really what you're aiming at since there is still the subject/object dichotomy. It's a mind on mind meditation. But I have enjoyed this a great deal. You've got to have a calm enough mind to get into it since you're just going to get wrapped up in the stupid thoughts otherwise.

A few weeks ago, I had a look at the Blazing and Dripping section of the Bliss of Inner Fire, the book that got me into this stuff to start with. I haven't really got near that yet. You have to have the symbols pretty sharp for this kind of a thing, but I have been moving the attention up from symbol to symbol after the exhalation part of the vase breath. These days the effect when you get to the chakra in the middle of the brain has been very impressive. Great bliss and fantastic expansion.

I've been trying another interesting visualisation. I can't remember where I got this one from, but it might have been reading Alexandra David-Neel the last time I was here. You start by just resting in the bliss and leave it there for a bit. Just leave it. You have some kind of boundary lines where the outline of your head seems to be, except a bit expanded. Then you fill the temple. Then you fill the valley the temple is in, and you try to see the valley. See towards Lockerbie and the rest of Scotland. Go out to the blue planet, the see the solar system, the milky way, the 15 billion galaxies, the universe and then go back in, step by step again. I think Alexandra David-Neel says you should do this with the heat, but I'm not getting enough heat yet.

This place is too noisy! Kids!

Everything in the meditation line has been progressing well recently. No doubt if my discipline wasn't so lousy, it would progress faster, but I'm not going to beat myself up over that. You could always do better.

I'm not going to aggravate myself about the Unfortuante OneS, the UFOs. People who meditate are few and far between. I thought if I told folk about the bliss when I started getting loads of it, they'd meditate, but that's not the way it works. I know folk who take the happy pills, which end up making your brain look like a walnut, and they won't meditate because .... I won't say it! Anyway, they don't and they won't. They are just not as fortunate as me, obviously.

I doubt if I'll give up my bad habits any time soon. What I've got to do is get more retreats in. I'm fortunate in the friends I have even if they are too dumb to meditate.

I expect to feel pretty exhausted by the time I get home tomorrow. Tired but happy, he returned home. Allah Akbar!

Last Full Day

9:21 A.M.
Finished the Nirvana Tao last night. The last bit is about Taoism. Philosophically, (harmonious universe, etc) that seems to have something going for it, but I can see why certain perverts I know are into it. To prolong life what you want is to have sex with ten women a night without ejaculating. You achieve this by ... well, you probably know the perineum stuff already. I believe Mao was into this. I know it's not a juju just for dirty old men, but Onan the Bavarian ...

Bought a translation of the life of Milarepa. Reading the introduction made me realise once again that I know bugger all about Tibetan Buddhism. Milarepa was obviously as much a saint as any joe could become, but I think the Nazi Papa would consign him to hell anyway. No use if you're not a christian, pal! Sometimes you could get annoyed at the tims, so you could!

I stayed meditating yesterday for as long as I could. The cafe was shut at night which helped. I was crabbit when I got up today, but I'm getting close to ecstasy in these meditations surely, Jack. Made a big jump this week anyway. What a day I'm going to have!! Bye for now. More gong bashing coming up!

Thursday, 14 August 2008

2nd Last Day

Thursday 9:17 a.m.
This retreat has been harder for me than usual. Not too sure why, but whenever I'm tired, I keep thinking I could just go home. Maybe it's that this is the last week before I go back to the jobbie. Maybe I'm just a bit more into self pity this week.

Just when I was thinking that I hadn't had a conversation with anyone since I got here ... I had a conversation before I came in here. "Dorje, what's with the cat?" I said. If you shouted Dorje around here, half the joes would turn round.

I had two prime meditation experiences yesterday, but I can't remember what one of them was!! This is not unusual. Besides that, it's hard to lay down memories here since everything is always much the same. Except when the sun shines. You tend to remember that.

Reading the book yesterday about the vajrayana meditations .... when will I ever get near that! Also, the boy at the end of the book goes on about Zen. I know bugger all about Zen. I know even less about Zen than I do about Tibetan buddhism. Apparently, some Zen teachers refuse to teach anyone. Brilliant. Why talk to the UFOs. Waste of bloody time! You're either going to meditate or you're not. Also, hitting them with a big stick would be good fun. Anyone speaks to you about the juju and you just hit them with a big stick. I think I'm a convert. But I don't get the archery bit. I read the famous German book about that once and didn't understand it at all. I think I'll have another go when I get home.

I'm tired today. I was tired last night. I wanted to hammer the heat last night, but was exhausted. Then I didn't sleep for a while. Bugger it. Another two and a half hours with the lama just coming up!!!

11:54 a.m.
What a wonderful, wonderful sesssion that was! Time flew. The bits when you are feeling kind of weightless and totally expanded and almost about to float away are really very nice indeed! I haven't wasted this holiday, no sirree!

I might buy another book. Daniel Odier gives a list of the hatha yoga exercises Naropa recommends, thus cutting down to the essentials for doing this juju anyway. Here's number 5:
"Leap into the air, cross the legs in the lotus position and fall back into position, ready for meditation. Then raise yourself up by a series of leaps. Each leap has to be accomplished by a rapid twist of the chest. The nervous knots in the whole body will then be undone." I bet they would! Anybody ever seen anyone being able to do that?

Wednesday, 13 August 2008

Apres Lunch

Wednesday 13:17

Don't imagine!
Don't think!
Don't analyse!
Don't reflect!
Don't meditate!
Keep your spirit in its natural state.

I had a go at this stuff this morning. Amazing how big your consciousness can get! Still boundaries, but pretty vague.

Being a singular joe even here, I'm not doing the sadhana most of the folk here are doing. I don't have the sheets to recite, etc. Great seeing all these people doing it though, including making the hand gestures and all.

Nobody I know believes in mental forces, vibrations, energy .. Of course, they are the UnfortunateOneS. I don't believe in any things so I don't believe in mental forces, or vibrations either.

I saw a show about string theory once. The boy said it all comes down to teeny weeny bits of string in various contortions or shapes. What are they strings supposed to do, Hotboy. Vibrate, Jack! Vibrate!

I'm not tired. I'm happy. What an afternoon I'm going to have!

When all that heat and bliss is weaving and waving up your body, Jack, it's something else, so it is. What a fortunate creature I am, I am! What a fortunate creature I am! God knows what it'll be like when I can actually do this juju!

Wednesday at the Samye

Wednesday 9:17 a.m.
Wakened up to the rain, but the sleeping bag is the most wonderful thing. Very cosy when you waken up.

All hints of nicotine withdrawals have gone. Today and certainly tomorrow should be pretty fantastic. Bliss and eat. Bliss and stand on your head. Bliss and read your book. Bliss and more bliss. Bliss off to bed. The simple life. I'm happy to be here. Falling into a bit of an ecstasy would be nice, so it would. You never know. Anything is possible. The gong bashing is coming on in ten minutes. So it's a bit of tai chi and then nore bliss. Oh ra bliss, ra bliss, ra bliss!!

Tuesday, 12 August 2008

End of day 2. Samye Ling

Tuesday 9:06 p.m.
Maybe it's solitude I should be looking for, at least sometimes. I had my doubts today, but you must always remember that most of what you think is crap. But I had my doubts. A bit tired and doubtful.

At half past six I went into the back temple and landed on the money. I think this is the first time I'd been in there on my own to meditate. Huge expansions in the head chakra, much more than ever before. And a feeling of great bliss filled my body at one point. Hmmm? If I sleep well tonight, tomorrow should be just right, despite the rotten, rotten weather.

When it's sunny and tired, you can go for a wee walk, maybe have a wee lie down on a bench. Hard to believe I spent a week down here one summer in glorious sunshine.

I'm reading a book I last read in Nepal about 1996. I'm really enjoying it. It's called Nirvana Tao and it's by Daniel Odier. He was big on Kalu Rinpoche. Kept seeing his photie about the place today. I'm tired now. Let's hope I sleep well.

And the rain fell!

Tuesday 4:13 p.m.
Not quite settled yet. But I reckon that today I have finally gotten over Friday. Once you've done cavorting with the UFOs, it takes about four days for your mind to return to the superb wonderful thing is was before you started the cavortings.

It's very hard to get the Unfortunate Ones to understand this. Well, their heads are ... the opposite of round. What I've got to do is just say no, and drink tea with my pinkie sticking out when I go and socialise with folk. Of course, that's just the way they like me. Here comes Hotboy! He'll have a cup of tea!

Socialising is always a problem with nicotine is involved. Of course, if I go home on Saturday, that night I could be out cavorting down in Portobello again.

Time's running out in this machine! Oh well, back to the bliss!!!

Monday, 11 August 2008

The |Samye Ling Day 1

Monday 8:42 a.m.
My bed felt wonderfully soft, cozy, warm this morning, and it is with some backward glances that I set off for the Samye Ling at the start of my last week of holidays. Except I haven't gone yet. And it's a nice day. I could just go up to the hut. Hmmmm? Oh well. Once more into the breach, dear friends!

8:25 p.m.
The clouds opened while I was wrestling with the tent, but that's the first time I've ever put it up when it was raining, so I can't complain. The wee island I sat on to meditate up the river a bit has disappeared; the river is in spate, so they must have had some right rotten weather here recently. No change there then.

I took a Guru Rinpoche empowerment this afternoon. The temple was full and there must have been three hundred people there for this event. Most of them seemed to know the Tibetan chants. That's about four empowerments I've had from Dr Akong: Dorje Sempa, Chenrezig, Guru Rinpoche and the Medicine Buddha. I couldn't find a seat in the refrectory for lunch; it was so busy. Apparently, most folk were only here for the empowerment and have buggered off already. I thought the numbers were quite impressive though.

I got an email from Isabel Atherton about the sensei's crime book. Nice, considered response. So a good agent to sent a crime novel to. Unfortunately, she doesn't want to represent the book, so I'll have to keep on trying when I get back to work.

Dr Akong went on at some length about giving up tobacco. So stupid to get sucked back in when I've been addiction free for five years or so. It's giving in to temptation and knowing so many dope smokers. If I get back to Edinburgh on Saturday, I'm going out to a party. Hmmm? No problems with no nicotine today. Nice not to be as addicted as more than half of my deep dear friends. Still ... just say no, eh, Jack?

Sunday, 10 August 2008

Endings and Beginnings!

Sunday 6:31 p.m.
The depravities have been pretty full on since Thursday evening, but I've booked up to go to the Samye Ling as of tomorrow. It's not anybody else's fault. You cannot blame the UFOs for drinking beer, taking drugs and smoking tobacco. The UFOs are just bits of me and I am bits of them. But they are not quite so fortunate.

I'd like them all to have what I will have by Wednesday, but they are too dumb to meditate, so I shall leave them behind and go in search of serenity, satiation and happiness on my own. The great blisses, maybe some heat, and the psuedo emanations will have to be just for moi. This is a great shame.

But there's nothing I can do about that.

What I have to do is build up enough resources to just say no. My body is a temple of the Holy Ghostie Men, so fung off! Hmmmm?

Otherwise the battle between Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde will continue, and I will get wee bits of the serenity, etc., and then large dollops of all these stupid, out of control thoughts, babbling nonsense all the time, and such like.

Maybe there's something not quite working here, but it's hard to fix.

Still, I'll start laying on the elastoplasts as of tomorrow, at least for a while.

Friday, 8 August 2008

Wedding Day

Friday 2:48 a.m.
The first shoe malfunctioned right after the ceremony and I knew I'd have to get a bus home for re-enforcements. The bottom basically fell off. I hadn't worn them for about five years, but when I wiped the cobwebs and dust off them and gave them a polish, they looked alright. I got on the 27 bus, which meant I had to walk along Great King Street. By this time I'm carrying the malfunctioned shoe when the other shoe malfunctions. So I threw them in the bin and proceeded back to the flat in my stocking soles.

Brilliant wedding. Couldn't have had a better time. I'm walking along in my stocking soles and thinking this is totally cool. Off my face and one hundred percent confident. A wonderfully pharmaceutical event.

We want to know if any young women tottering about in high heels and half falling out of their dresses, tottered over to speak to you, Hotboy. Wasn't it always thus, Jack? Wasn't it always thus? They're taking the piss, so they are.

Thursday, 7 August 2008

Wedding ahoy!

Thursday 12:26 p.m.
I meditated till nearly ten o clock last night. Sometimes during the day it was a bit of a hard slog, but the meditations after eight at night were right on the money. It's hard to remember what your meditations are like; suffice to say that the one I've just finished has put me in a great mood for the cavortings and shennanigans which will begin to enfold, as of this early evening when the cowboys from the Wild West will be arriving to stay for the wedding tomorrow.

Weddings should surely bear more erotic contextualising than funerals or memorial services! I wouldn't be surprised if Eric From Eindhoven and Dexie's Midnight Runners made an appearance. Of course, when there is no bevvying, the most interesting joe in any company is bound to me moi, since the rest will be entirely composed of the UnFortunateOneS, the too dumb to meditate.

There's bound to be lots of young women tottering around in high heels and half falling out of their dresses. I'm too fat now to fit into my suit, but will have a card with the golden rules written on it in the top pocket of my sports jacket, in case any young women totter over to speak with me.

What are the golden rules, Hotboy? Well, Jack, here they are:
1)Don't mention plunging necklines.
2)The name Monica Lewinsky must not be entered into the conversation.
3)Talk of kamamudras is a definite no no!
4)Nobody's interested in how long you've been monogamous for!

And on Monday I will be at the Samye Ling! Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!

I've had an early lunch so I can sit in the lobby all afternoon. What a fortunate, fortunate creature I am! What a fortunate creature I am!

5:05 p.m.
What a fantastic afternoon I've had, just sitting in the lobby! Just had a phone call from my deep dear friends who will be here in five or ten minutes.

The reason why this afternoon has been so, so good is partly due to overcoming the nicotine withdrawals, and being good, or better anyway.

It's as if the little tendrils go forth and explore further, then pull back for a while. They will be yanked back over the next couple of evenings, but at the end of the day there is always progress.

The first thing that someone is going to do as soon as they sit down is roll a joint. Hmmmm? What should you do, Hotboy? Just say no, Jack. I should just say no. Say yes to everything else, but no to that! There is something really evil about tobacco, so there is!

Wednesday, 6 August 2008

This title thing has been sorted!

Wednesday 1:40p.m.
This is a perfect day! The weather is miserable, overcast and wet. Yesterday the weather was okay, so I went to the diggings and ended up dozing off in the bath, exhausted and mortified as usual by the resistance of the earth.

I got an email response from Allan Guthrie this morning. I emailed him because I told him I was going to read three of his books after I met him about May, but the library has had a problem with refurbishments, etc. Seems he's having a bit of a wrestle with his latest work. Allan will become rich and all. He will have deadlines and such like. One day he may catch a disease, like writer's block.

I haven't written a word since the start of this six week holiday. Hurrah! The Revenge of the Traffic Wardens can wait. Being useless at this writing malarkey, I don't have any deadlines, or commissions to complete, or anything much to get in the way of the meditations. Hurrah!

The lobby is empty and the nicotine withdrawals have withdrawn. It's a perfect afternoon for the juju.

Tomorrow, UFOs will be arriving in preparation for a wedding on Friday. I will be at the Samye Ling for the gong bashing festival come Monday. So today's the day.

And the meditations this morning were fabulous, better than ever. I may well blow the top of my head off this afternoon. What a fortunate creature I am, I am! What a fortunate creature I am!!

Monday, 4 August 2008

तवो वीक्स तो

Monday 11:27 a.m.
Only two weeks left of the holidays. When I go back, I will have been part time for four years. So it is four years and a couple of months ago that I first made any connection between the breath and the bliss. How amazing is that! I've just had the most fantastic meditation in the lobby!

It's the first Monday of the Fringe and I tend to feel nostalgic on this day. From about 1991 till 1999, on this day I used to take the kiddo and her wee pal up to Princes Street to watch the jugglers, acrobats, etc., performing up by the Art Gallery at Princes Street. Then I'd usually take them down to the swing park in the Gardens. Great days!

I spent as much of the ten weeks I was off work in 2004 sitting in my hut. That's when a connection between the breath and the bliss became manifest, though I'd had an inner heat experience the year before.

This holiday has really been a landmark time as well. Meditation has really made this life wonderful for me. It really has. This next one before lunch is just going to be fantastico!!!

Sunday, 3 August 2008

रिस miss

Monday 1:26 a.m.
All the bits when I was thinking things were crap. This is because of the nicotine addiction. Do you want a withdrawal frame to think the thoughts in? Hmmm? These are not going to be very nice thoughts.

As time moved on ... the nicotine withdrawal thoughts ...

You have to remember that thoughts aren't true. Normally, stupid. They're okay, except if you believe them.

As time moved on ... passed the nicotine withdrawal thoughts... at least for now ... then came the great blisses, just pushing aside those silly, normal, stupid thoughts.

I've learned more from nicotine withdrawal thoughts than anything else. Your thoughts do not arise from nowhere, nothing. Like, how are you dressed? You have the wonderful mind and then a thought arises. What kind of thought are you going to get if you have a touch of the old nicotine withdrawal? A nicotine withdrawal thought!

Since thoughts are always conditioned and, therefore, untrustworthy, how can you believe in any of them, even one little one?

It seems to me that the thought must be appended, the last little grip-on in the web of all the other thoughts that have gone before.

So how has the first four weeks of your six week holiday gone then, Hotboy? It has been wonderful, Jack! There's no point in telling them about the bliss and the wonderful heat, and the half formed emanations.

They are the UnFortunateOneS. The UFOs! I don't have to see any of them till ... well, ages really! Hurrah!

Friday, 1 August 2008


Friday 9:43 p.m.
Alsion Main's Writings are getting hit about three or four times a day at the moment. The books are listed in three or four ebook directories, which folk in the far east seemed to be using ... why? Anyway, that's nice. A Canadian soldier once took some of these books up to a place near the Arctic circle when he was posted there for a bit. The internet's great. Never last of course.

I could tell how much progress the juju has been making (bugger all to do with me, man!) when I was sitting in the auld maw's bedroom listening to a CD about the bardo. Blinded by the bliss! Realised how far I had to go when I felt crabbit on the train going there. (I'd made the mistake of checking my bank balance. Ha, ha, ha!) Since Saturday last I have failed to give everything up again, but I will start again tomorrow. Whilst failing to give everything up, I've been having a wonderful holiday!

Anyway, the auld maw is not the slightest put out by this CD about being dead. The boy was saying all this about being in tunnels of light, or with light at the end of them, was more or less the way it went. Out of the tunnel (or channel) you seem to have fairly limitless mental capacities, for a bit anyway according to this stuff. If you snuff it with your head still up your backside, well, the boy was trying to play down how scary it might be. You don't want to start thinking the wrong things in this condition. Imagine the worst possible acid trip and it sounds like it could get a bit worse than that.

It'll be okay for us, won't it, Hotboy? Jack, the boy said trying to get a grip of the situation with our state of realisation would be like getting chucked out a jumbo jet with a pencil and a bit of paper, and expecting to be able to write a four line poem before you hit the ground. No parachutes in the bardo of course.

What's your poem going to be, Jack?