2nd Last Day

Thursday 9:17 a.m.
This retreat has been harder for me than usual. Not too sure why, but whenever I'm tired, I keep thinking I could just go home. Maybe it's that this is the last week before I go back to the jobbie. Maybe I'm just a bit more into self pity this week.

Just when I was thinking that I hadn't had a conversation with anyone since I got here ... I had a conversation before I came in here. "Dorje, what's with the cat?" I said. If you shouted Dorje around here, half the joes would turn round.

I had two prime meditation experiences yesterday, but I can't remember what one of them was!! This is not unusual. Besides that, it's hard to lay down memories here since everything is always much the same. Except when the sun shines. You tend to remember that.

Reading the book yesterday about the vajrayana meditations .... when will I ever get near that! Also, the boy at the end of the book goes on about Zen. I know bugger all about Zen. I know even less about Zen than I do about Tibetan buddhism. Apparently, some Zen teachers refuse to teach anyone. Brilliant. Why talk to the UFOs. Waste of bloody time! You're either going to meditate or you're not. Also, hitting them with a big stick would be good fun. Anyone speaks to you about the juju and you just hit them with a big stick. I think I'm a convert. But I don't get the archery bit. I read the famous German book about that once and didn't understand it at all. I think I'll have another go when I get home.

I'm tired today. I was tired last night. I wanted to hammer the heat last night, but was exhausted. Then I didn't sleep for a while. Bugger it. Another two and a half hours with the lama just coming up!!!

11:54 a.m.
What a wonderful, wonderful sesssion that was! Time flew. The bits when you are feeling kind of weightless and totally expanded and almost about to float away are really very nice indeed! I haven't wasted this holiday, no sirree!

I might buy another book. Daniel Odier gives a list of the hatha yoga exercises Naropa recommends, thus cutting down to the essentials for doing this juju anyway. Here's number 5:
"Leap into the air, cross the legs in the lotus position and fall back into position, ready for meditation. Then raise yourself up by a series of leaps. Each leap has to be accomplished by a rapid twist of the chest. The nervous knots in the whole body will then be undone." I bet they would! Anybody ever seen anyone being able to do that?