Vase Breathing and the channels

Thursday 11:40 a.m.
This is for the joe or josephine from Dahlonega, Georgia, USA, who starred all the vase breathing posts on the googly search thingy. Hands across the ocean, perhaps one nutter to another!

Nothing exists in the manner of its appearance, of course. This might help with getting into the emptiness of all phenomena, especially when applied to thoughts.

We embrace our ignorance
We don't believe in any things
Especially thoughts.

It specifically says in The Book of the Three Inspirations by Tsongkhapa (trans. by Mullin), if I remember aright, that you shouldn't try raising heat up through your central channel until you can clearly envisage the three channels. In fact, it says you will go to hell. I assume we can take hell to be an unfortunate mental state. I wonder here if he might be talking about what happened to Gobi Khrisna, who had a kundalini arousal up the wrong channel and was completely funged for thirteen years. That's a fair enough warning.

I can't visualise these three channels hardly at all, but I am trying to raise inner heat, obviously the way you're not supposed to.

I don't see how you could get to this level of visualisation unless you were doing a solitary retreat. Recently, I've been getting the visualisations a lot stronger, but I'm still a million miles away.

I started raising my awareness through the only vaguely visualised upper chakras because concentrating on the navel chakra (symbol) was increasing my libido in ways that weren't much help, considering the only women I know are grannies who only want assistance with their luggage.

Also, you can tell that the bliss in the mid-brain chakra is where the bliss really is the bliss, so there's a tendency to go for the bliss.

When you look at the computery thing, it might not exist quite the way it appears to exist to you, but there is something there. Quite what it is, I'm not too sure. I think of these channels and their visualisation/appearance in much the same way.

From other readings, it would seem that something has to move from your navel chakra up through the other chakras until it breaks through into the brain chakra. I was expecting this to happen all of a sudden, but I think it's occurring gradually with me. Everything occurs gradually with me, more gradually than it needs to due to my being a bad boy.

When you're actually trying to do the meditations, gradually sometimes seems to be going quite fast!

The sensations occurring the body/mind nexus/ envelope/ sheath thing are not really describable, at least not by me. But I'm getting quite a bit of warmth now though it isn't in the central channel or at the navel symbol. Sometimes there seems to be a lot of warmth in my abdomen, and more of it around the abdomen walls. This morning this felt very pleasant indeed. I think I could get quite hot if I could only get a long run at this juju, but I won't have a free evening now till Saturday, and Sunday is my first free day. Basturns!

The Domestic Bliss asked me why I wanted to go and live in the hut. I don't really want to live in the hut. I want to get this heat moving up the central channel. It might do it even if I cannot visualise the channels well, given that there is some kind of channel there anyway. If it goes up the wrong channel because my visualisations are crap ...

Englightenment in this very body is all that matters. Shakymuni.

I was listening to Lama Yeshe on the CD at the auld maw's last Friday. He said the lineages had been going for two and a half thousand years. They would not have lasted if they had not been of benefit. He said you could trust the lineages so that no harm would come to you when you were practising this juju, except he didn't call it juju of course!

I take refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha. The Great Buddha Lama Yeshe Losal is my guru. May all sentient beings be happy! Back to the lobby then off to visit someone in the hospital!

THIS POST WAS WRITTEN BY JOHN McKENZIE WHO HAS TEN BOOKS ON KINDLE. THE ONES CLOSELY CONNECTED WITH BUDDHISM, MEDITATION, BLISS, VASE BREATHING, TUMMO, ETC., ARE
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Buddha-Big-Bad-Wolf-ebook/dp/B005AIP7QE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1319126284&sr=8-1
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Buddha-Big-Bad-Wolf-ebook/dp/B005AIP7QE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1319126284&sr=8-
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Land-Demon-Masters-ebook/dp/B004XJ7OEO/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1319126424&sr=1-1
http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Real-McCoy-ebook/dp/B0054H4MO4/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1319126490&sr=1-1

Flattening the Himalayas!

10:35 p.m.
Posted after four bottles of beer weighing in at around 5.3%

According to the statcounter thing, nobody ever comes here, Jack, except for you and moi! I come here an awful lot.

The fourth years are supposed to be on exam leave around about now, which means the school teachers have got rid of them for a while and don't want them around the place. Still, four of them arrived in the library on Monday, saying they wanted to study for their exams, but not wearing school uniforms.

School uniforms are a great idea, especially for girls. It's the only time you'll see a girl wearing a tie, for instance. But these girls who show up and sneak into the library are not in school uniforms and I don't know nothing about this school since I meditate when I'm there for most of the time, and I think they're maybe supposed to be there, or whatever.

I have to tell you right now that I'm very old and ugly, with some kind of leprosy or skin cancer affecting my face and all, but I'm sitting there at the issue desk with nothing much to do except gaze at the kalacharkra mandala which is on the computery thing.

The girl is probably fifteen. Afterwards I had to tell the police that I thought she said she was sixteen, but she might have been fourteen. Who knows? Well, in fourth year she's fifteen. I have never been a fifteen year old girl and I always assume girls are the Virgin Mary. Anyway, there's a few of them turn up and I'm not going to bother them although they are not wearing school uniforms. Preposterous pink jump suits, etc. Anyway, they are quiet at this table and actually doing some studying so live and let live.

She comes up to speak to me. I'm saying nothing. The top is a bit low cut and not really appropriate for being at school. I'm an anarchist. Fair enough. She asks me a question about a book and has to stretch over a wee bit. I do not look. My eyes are fixed on the screen. I tell her we do not have a book about Aquincourt Pastreycooks. She goes away. This happens a couple of times.

This is my fault. This has nothing to do with her. Three times she comes up to the desk and asks me quite reasonable questions and I say that's fine, I don't have it, but I have leprosy or at least some kind of degenerative face disease which makes me awful ugly.

She then says: Have you a pencil sharpener? Yes. I give her the pencil sharpener. She says where's the bin? The bin is behind my desk, and she comes round behind my desk and sharpens her pencil over the bin, bending down in front of me.

Did you look away, Hotboy? Did you wait a few seconds and look away? Did you just stand there?

You'll have an easier time flattening the Himalayas than you will eradicating lust, Jack.

Fashion note for this summer. Last summer the folk who take the piss out of women by selling them garments with no material in them had them all half way falling out of their tops. This was better than the two years before which had women showing off their beer bellies. This year what we will have is tights thick enough so that you can get away with hardly wearing any skirts at all, like you can wear a shirt over these kind of tights. Plus, falling out of the top of these garments, no beer bellies. This is actually quite good for us dirty old men. Just add in the tottering around on high heels - what genius ever got women to wear those? - and add in the pelmets with the thick tights and the falling out of their dresses - no wonder it is easier to flatten the Himalayas than to subdue lust!

Hut Report!

Wednesday 7:40 p.m.
The bliss was running strong today alright, but I was also very tired from my two and a half days at the jobbie when Uncle Brian came round to see about the hut. I do not think Uncle Brian quite understood that I wanted him to do all the work, and all he did was measure the problem and give sage advice. But this was enough to galvanise me with enthusiasm for fixing it myself. I have to get a bit of external plywood eight foot by four and balance it on my head (how else would I carry it?) from Homebase, around a good fifteen minute walk away, and then nail it into the space which will appear once I have ripped the rotten bit away.

Had I been consorting with suitably qualified members of the working class instead of hanging around with a bunch of useless bourgeois basturns, this hut problem would have been cheerfully dealt with ages ago. Still ...

The Inter Milan versus Barca game is just coming on the telly. At half time I will go out and buy four bottles of Erdinger. The pizzaman may call tomorrow before I go on my hospital visit. I'll have to find a way of passing some pizza onto the consiglieri without smoking any of it.

It has been reported that they sell Erdinger in the Fatherland for 85 pence a bottle!! It wouldn't mind a bit of goosestepping if I could get Erdinger at that price!

The tree sits outside our window. It's flaming white. The reason I put in both photies is to show what a crap camera I'm having to deal with here. The colour sometimes doesn't show up well at all. Come on, Inter Milan! Get into these foreign swinehoonts!

Requiem for a rat!

Monday 9:50 p.m.
"A dead rat! Ah, what company that would be!" Samuel Beckett.

Company is the only one of the Beckett's prose works I've read. It's brilliant, but most depressing, so I didn't read any more. Being an atheistic existentialist doesn't look like any fun at all, Jack! It was stuff like that which got me started on the meditations in the first place!

Tonight I was up at the hut to clear it out before Uncle Brian comes to fix it. Just to the right of where I sit there is a fold down chair leaning against the shelves. It had been covered by a plastic bag to keep the rain off it, and somehow a rat had managed to get itself killed there. What was left of it was kind of hanging about shoulder height entangled in the chair and the bag. It must have been there a long time and was mostly fur when I put it on the pyre. You can maybe see it in the photie. I must have had quite a few meditations with the dead rat over the winter. I'm not making this up. "Ah, what company that would be!"

Monday

I've just finished watching the vipassana video. It would be hard going to do a course like that. Just sitting quietly doing nothing for ten days. Interesting that they didn't get any instructions till they'd been doing it for three days, apart from being told to follow the breath. Whenever I've been down at the Samye Ling for a week or so, I've noticed that the first three days are the most difficult. After that, it gets a whole lot easier. In fact, you just really want to sit.

The lady in charge of the jail was brilliant. Just one of those irrepressible, wonderful people.

Resume!

Sunday 9:55 p.m.
If you don't look at the comments here, the Spango Yogini sent me this link ...http://www.karmatube.org/videos.php?id=322 ... I've only managed to watch the first half since I want to save it for when I'm at the jobbie tomorrow and want to slit my throat.

I got to the bit where the boy was saying this course takes ten days .., it's a morning till night gig. It's so embarrassing that I haven't done any proper retreats.

Once I was speaking to this joe about funding a theatre tour. He asked me if he could make any money by investing in such a thing. I told him he could lose a lot of money. It was when I was getting the play BUSTED produced. The joe was a dope dealer. We talked about this other joe we knew who was also a dope dealer and had done some time. "With the people he knew," this joe said,"he could have become somebody." By this he meant that this guy we were talking about could have become a bigger, richer dope dealer.

I'm a disgrace to the juju! If I can get Uncle Brian to fix the hut, I'm going to have to go and sit in it. What's a couple of weeks in a hut when the rewards would be so wonderful? My guru is the man who knows most about meditation probably anywhere outside of Asia, and probably there as well. I feel like a complete ... anyway.

When I got back from the airport around half five on Friday morning, there was an envelope waiting for me on the kitchen floor. A wonderful buddha card and twenty quid. That meant I could go to the off license three nights in a row, including tonight. Really, I need all the money and excuses taken away. Despite that ... when I got back from the off-license and sat down again, suddenly, the whole thing went ballistic.

Sunset tonight was about half eight. I must say I don't like this stuff. I'd like the meditations to give you the same thing at any time. I wish I'd never heard that it might be better at certain times of the day. Maybe I'm just too suggestible. So I'd already bought the bottle of Erdinger and the bottle of plonko collapso, but the last hour of meditation tonight was just brilliant. Everything just worked so much better. Dearie me!

So Uncle Brian will help me fix the hut. I will write to Teresa and say that I have a problem. My problem is moi!! I will tell her about my stupid meditational practises and ask to see the lama before my summer holidays. And maybe, if I am very fortunate indeed, I will get into the hut this summer at last, and I will sit there, and sometimes I will cry and cry and cry, but I will keep sitting there until something occurs, if I am very lucky.

The first thing I have to do is not buy bob hope when I get paid on Wednesday. The second thing I have to do is stop drinking after tonight. The third thing ... I got off with the Domestic Bliss forty years ago this October/November. We went to see the Keef Hartley Band in the dancehall, now gone, in Stockbridge. We went back to my bedsit and dropped a half tab of acid, the first time I'd done this drug, which as the boy from Operation Julie said, did change my consciousness. So come October/November I have to be able to present myself and not as a complete idiot. But as the kind of wonderful human being, full of accomplishments, or at least the kind of person who has made in this lifetime tried to make the very best of what we have been given, and not entirely the kind of moron whose only aspiration was to be the kind of toadying evil bourgeois basturn... ARS LONGA VITA BREVIS.




Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. Tomorrow is Monday. Hail Mary, full of grace, get moi into the hut and out of this jobbie. Amen! Hotboy

Some mare photies

Sunday 4:30 p.m.
These photies were all taken yesterday in the lobby or today when I went out for a walk round the Botanics. The daffodil shot was taken from where I sat and meditated in the allotment for forty minutes. There are lots of bees around now and wee flies. Where did they come from?

6:15 p.m.
Just phoned Uncle Brian, who is very good with wood, and asked him to help me with the hut. He'll be round on Wednesday afternoon all things being equal. Sometime I'm going to have to take to the hut for a while, and it might as well be this summer! Tempis fugit.

Saturday Bliss Diary

12:30 p.m.
I got a phone call from just outside the Reichstag yesterday morning from the Domestic Bliss. Unless she decides to invade Poland, she will be back here on Monday afternoon, so there's just me and little Jack here left in Chilly Jockoland.

This afternoon I should be visiting our friend with the MS, but her husband is going in my stead, so I'm free unless I get a phone call from Beef McDuck to say our friend from Cloggieland has arrived. The latter doesn't like bob hope. You could bang your head off the wall about stuff like that, Jack. If I lived in Cloggieland, I don't think I'd ever drink.

So far I've meditated for about an hour and a half today. When I'd done about four hours, I'll go out for a wee walk.

2:00 p.m.
I sustained a drinking injury to my elbow about a month ago when I was out with the Poisonous, resulting in a big scab on my elbow. So I haven't been doing headstands until just now. Whoa! Did the trick with the upside down lotus and coming down to a sitting position there. Close your eyes then and get swamped in the bliss! Oh, ra bliss, ra bliss, ra bliss!

3:45 p.m.
There's a bit which I get to usually after I've been doing the juju for a couple of hours ... got it there ... the winds are supposed to enter the central channel ... I don't know if that's happening, but sometimes things feel very open and the bliss is very, very strong, and concentration becomes a bit easier, and it feel just bloody wonderful. If that's the winds entering the central channel, I could do with more of that!!

I'm going to do a shadow boxing session now. I did the five hills run last night.

4:33 p.m.
Whilst waiting for the bath to run ... When the kiddo was still an embryo, I went down to Uncle Brian's and got a tape of songs to do shadow boxing to. About ten years or more ago, it disappeared. Just disappeared. In the blame game, no one put their hands up. Last week, the Domestic Bliss found it in her room. Hurrah! That's the first time I've done shadow boxing to it. Listening to music at the right pace really makes you work harder. The ones I remember listening to there were
Psychokiller by Talking Heads
Sally Mae by the Velvet Underground
Respectable by the Rolling Stones
Pretty Vacant by the Sex Pistols
Starfunger by the Rolling Stones
Whitehall up Against the Wall by the boy who sang Sing if You're Glad to be Gay
Miracles and Something by Paul Simon off the South Africa album
There were a couple more which I can't remember now since the session lasted forty minutes. I must get some copies made and give one to the kiddo. She must have listened to that tape a million times before she was three. Off to the bath now!

It would be wonderful if no one phoned and I could just keep on meditating this evening. Falling into an open grave won't help me tomorrow, that's for sure.

9:00 p.m.
The plane from Cloggieland was cancelled, so I had to go to the off-licence and get an open grave of my own! That's the first time I've been out since first thing.

I'm going to watch Borat on the telly then the footie. Great day for meditating! Must have put in seven hours in the lobby.

More Of Thursday's Bliss diary!

Thursday 9:45 p.m.
The Abyss, the movie, was on last night. There's a bit when this watery sprout beastie appears and travels about the place. The envelope thing I keep talking about sometimes seems a bit like that. It's something else inside you, an addition.

I was vase breathing here and there through the hour and a half of the political debate on the telly. The watery sprout beastie thing came alive. It got hot, or a bit hot.

I lost the afternoon today, but that's fine. Everything is moving on.

Tomorrow I'll be up at half four to help the Domestic Bliss to go to the airport. So on Saturday and Sunday I should be on my own. Here comes the heat! Here comes the heat!

The Serpent's Taleban

Thursday 5:25 p.m.
Just got home from the hospital to find a email from The Viper's Tail. I'd sent a Hail Mary email to the owner who published the Cyclists along with the rejection for the Dan, and he said to send it in. A bit of gratuitous sex and folk whacking all kinds of drugs into themselves aren't going to put off the Vipers! This is a very good thing to happen. Hail Mary full of grace, get me out of this jobbie, please!

Thursday's Bliss Diary

11:10 a.m.
Having a wee break after the first meditation of the day. I woke up feeling happy today, a good sign!

It's all moved on again, Jack!

I hoped once that this bloggy might eventually show that you could do this juju without being religious or particularly saintly, or even good. In fact, that you could do it being deeply flawed, like moi! You don't have to believe in bugger all. You just do it and it works. Hurrah!

Having a guru was something that idiots used to boast about, like it was some kind of badge of merit, or wonderful acquisition. I instinctively disliked all that. Anybody who expects you to behave like some grovelling moron is to be avoided like the plague. This yoga I'm trying to do is a technique. I don't think you have to be particularly good to do it and achieve some success. You might even become a little charismatic. Someone I know once had a hindu yogi as a guru. The guy I knew didn't even meditate, but seemed completely captivated by this charlatan ... pass the sick bag, Jack.

An integral part of the great Vajrayana is Guru Yoga. I was getting plenty of bliss before I took refuge with Lama Yeshe, but if I hadn't great confidence in him ... I've gained this because I've made a wee bit of progress. If this is happening to me with the little amount I'm doing, well, God alone knows where that man's mind is! He is a genius of the juju and I wouldn't be half as confident in going into this heat stuff if I didn't think I could rely on him to help me when and if the shit hits the fan.

The Great Buddha Lama Yeshe Losal is my guru! Please give me your wisdom mind!

It's years now since I even spoke to the man. Doesn't matter. This guru yoga juju has gotten much better in the last year, ever since he went into the seven weeks in the dark retreat. It's a shame the folk I know best are all too dumb to meditate, but that's not my fault. I'm away back to the lobby now.

12:55 a.m.
Great amount of bliss in that meditation, but not much heat. Sometimes it takes about three hours to get into this stuff. I'd love to keep going today, but our friend with the MS is in respite care, so I have to go to visit. I don't grudge it. Always count my blessings after one of these visits!

Update things!

Wednesday 11:20 p.m.
POLITICS:
I heard the Green Party wummin on the Radio Four today. She doesn't like capitalism. She says consumerism and growth is unsustainable and will kill everyone, and I agree with that. She did not mention surplus value .. for you stupid bourgeois that means that you employ someone to make money for you. Like, they make £10 and you get £1 and give them £9.Essentially, this is why the evil bourgeois are all going to hell. Even although she did not mention that, the world dying from capitalism is obvious.

She said they would legalise all recreational drugs. Well, that's just so sensible in all kinds of ways. Even in a social Darwinism kind of way.

She said they should raise the minimum wage by £3 so it would be about £8 plus instead of £5 plus and I totally agree with that. This might stop the spitting in the food by the grossly exploited when my friends go to eat in restaurants. But maybe these morons deserve that.

I think there was something else I liked about them. Thank God there is someone out there saying stuff like this. Unfortunately, I cannot vote for this wummin because we do not have proportional representation. In the place where I stay, if I don't vote Labour (actually, it's New Labour, or Tony Labour), the Liberal Democrat will win (not too much of a problem really) and I know that the Labour Party is important for the poor children and the old age pensioners, and at least I can still hold onto that when I make my mark. Basturns! I'll have to vote for the reactionary, warmongering basturns!

THE DIGGINGS:
The diggings have been dug. I felt so tired this evening I had to rush out and buy four bottles of beer. I think the first of the diggings were done around the 7th of March. What's the date now? Anyway, the hut is still in the realm of the rat, but outside is all mine. One whole half of the allotment has been planted with tatties. Never seen that before. You can eat the allotment from the top down. It starts on the left with early earlies and ends up with main crop. This wummin from the next door allotment asked me about a reliable tattie. I said, "I know nothing about gardening. I just do all this because I want the hut." The rat will be sitting on my lap by August.

The JUJU:
It was beautiful not to be at the jobbie and to be digging sometimes today. It looked wonderful. Beautiful day. Wonderful view. So I'm digging away there and I feel this kind of shimmering coming over the visuals a little. When moi is meditating with my eyes open, the visuals sometimes do this. It might be a blood pressure anomaly. But it probably isn't. The view is beautiful anyway what with the everything, but then there seems to be something added.

The Way Ahead:
I think, despite my lack of money and quite good abstemiousness over the last three or four days, that I have been invited to fall into an open grave around Saturday. These are my people. These are my family and friend from Lanarkshire. These are the smartest, brightest people. Drink like fish. Hate the Queen. Despise the evil bourgeois. Folk you don't have to mince around with. They are not from the disgusting middle classes. I think I may jump in!

Some Photies!

Wee Sleeps!

Tuesday 1:00 p.m.
Since this bloggy is essentially about the bliss, I like to post when any little changes occur in how things are developing with the old juju of jujus, the Great Vajrayana. Today I think I should say something about the wee sleeps.

When I was a young person, I was unable to catnap. Once I was on a bus going with my pal Jerry going to Haymarket Station en route to Glasgow and a rock concert, and he managed to sleep all the way along Princes Street. I was impressed. Of course, Jerry had a proper jobbie then and had to get up at seven after going to bed around one or two. Anyway, I can have wee snoozes now.

This has really come to the fore since the kiddo left the couch about five years ago. For years whenever you went into the living room, she was lying on the couch watching Friends. Then she launched and yahoo! I got a shot of the couch. These days I usually have a wee snooze at least once a day. If dozing off often is a sign of old age, what a great old age I'm going to have!

I like falling asleep on the couch much better than I like falling asleep in bed. I don't usually get anything like the same amount of bliss when I'm going to sleep in bed. I don't know why. If I did, I'd never be out of the bed!

So one of the photies is of my lying on the couch. I always cover myself with my magic towel, the one the Domestic Bliss bought me in Australia in 1990. I've never used it to dry myself and have always used it for sitting on while I meditate.

If you'd like to make me an offer for the magic towel, now is a good time due to the depths of the lonely financial zone!

The towel was washed once in the last twenty years, but that only happened when the Domestic Bliss got to it when I was away somewhere. There must have been about 15,000 hours of meditations done on that towel! Yours for only £1500! A bargain. Any more meditating and any less washing and it'll beat any flying carpet over twenty yards any day soon.

The development I'd like to note is the balooming of the mid brain chakra after wakening up from the wee sleeps. So you start with the lie down and covering up, then the bliss checks in right away; the doze comes on and then the bliss is usually there when you start to come to consciousness again. I can't describe how good this sometimes feels. This is when the bit in the middle of the bliss - which seems to be in the mid-brain - goes baloom! Like, it seems to suddenly expand. Then goes again. Baloom! This is brilliant. It don't know what the hell it is, but it does feel very nice indeed. Unfortunately, you have to open your eyes and get up!

The other photies were taken at the bus stop this morning.

Update!

Sunday 11:20 p.m.
It's a week since I stopped dancing the dance of death with the Nicotine Dragon. Once again. Tonight is the first night since then that I haven't had a drink.

I'm here to tell you, Jack, that I'm going to change my wicked ways. I've heard that before, Hotboy. At least, I shall relent for a little while.

Some dead old guy came to see me today. Dead old but not so old that he couldn't have parents still alive. One of them has just been parked in the loony bit due to the psychosis and the other is demented. You couldn't make it up.

I'm not doing that, Jack! Not if I can help it. What do you get if you want the wrong things again, Jack? Hotboy, is it not grief, sorrow, lamentations ... delusions, disappointments and despair ... suffering in this life? I think that's about it, Jack. I think that's just about the size of it.

I might be marching towards the sound of gunfire because I don't really know what I'm doing or where I'm heading with this juju, but all around the alternatives just seem too appalling to behold. Old flatheids. Anything is better than being an old flatheid. Dearie, dearie me!

I'm getting hot just sitting here. Tsongkhapa says there are different kinds of heat, but the heat you seem to be looking for is that which occurs in the central channel. I'm getting all-over heat. When you are dealing, or meddling, with something as basic as how your body regulates heat, obviously there may be the potential for disaster.

Tilopa said to Naropa -after he'd given him the hardest of hard times - I will give you something which will enable you to prevail against the cold. This is the juju of jujus, the foundation practise for the Six Yogas of Naropa, and I think now it's really starting to work.

Trying to do this juju does not come easily to a joe like moi!

Early evening I did the five hills run. The diggings are just about finished. Everything is going to be a whole lot easier from now till I get paid again in ten days time. By then I hope to have learned to enjoy a spartan lifestyle.

Some hopes. At least, if you can't be good all the time, you can be good some of the time!

The Election!

Sunday 00:10 a.m.
The Liberal Democrats have gone into the lead in one opinion poll. Such larks! Who'd believe it? I think this shows that in the volatility of the Big Brother/Have I Got No Talent/American Idol age that even moi has a chance of rising to supreme power. So I think I'd better tinker with my manifesto a little.

1)I think all government action should be measured against some scale of human happiness like they do in that Himalayan kingdom whose name I can't remember now.
2)There shouldn't be any income tax till folk are earning about twenty grand a year and then it should be at about ninety percent. If you think as an individual you are doing stuff and should keep all the money, why don't you go and live on a desert island without any other human beings to exploit and see how you get on then, you stupid basturn!?

Actually, I'm loving this election. The Scottish boy is going to win. Then he's going to bring in proportional representation which means that the Tory basturns can all go to hell. For ever. If the Clanger boy Tory basturn wins, then he will finish off what The Milk Snatcher did and give us Scottish independence. Hurrah!! It's a win win!

Tell us about the bliss, Hotboy! Nobody cares about the bliss, Jack. Much better banging on about politics since they're just too dumb to meditate. Except for moi! Oh, ra bliss, ra bliss, ra bliss!

The Diggings!

Saturday 8:45 p.m.
I dug and planted for just two hours this afternoon and it killed me as usual. That's the most I've ever dug in a oner. I've been amazed at how we heal. The body is fantastic. Regular readers of this blog (Hello, Jack!) might remember how I got my finger trapped in a letterbox down at the library a while back. That's a new nail pushing out the old nail. You don't have to read instruction manuals or anything. Your body just cures itself.

Bellshill visit

Friday 6:10 p.m.
I had a really brilliant meditation in the auld maw's room today. I took the photies of stuff in there. The painting of the Kalachakra Mandala I bought at the Samye Ling when I had some money. The wee buddha statue I got for my maw once I knew I was going to have a meeting with Lama Yeshe. I got him to bless it so it's a bit special. On her wall there are crucifixes and postcards I got sent her from the Samye Ling.

While I was there last week, an ambulance came for my Auntie Kathy. She wasn't well, but got back home on Wednesday. She was telling me about her travails today. My womb fell out, she said. Any hopes I had of being reborn as a woman disappeared right then!

For the Spango Yogini ... the tree photies are taken from the same spot. The one with the big tree shows the Orb pub as well. So the other one is of the green bing, which used to have football pitch on top of it.

The last Scottish Prime Minister!

Thursday 9:57 p.m.
Three other people who think they should be running the country are just answering the last question of the first televised debate ever before a British election.

The Scottish boy has the same disease as I have, that thing about his lips. The cracking and scabbing. I think I could make a killing with him and the Zorro mask.

The fascist basturn looked like a Clanger. Oliver Postgate invented the Clangers. They lived on the Moon. They made weird whistling noises instead of speaking English. They done him in by sticking him in the middle and somebody should get shot for the make-up, and the wig. The Scottish boy showed his class. The Englanders won't care. They are stupid and will vote for the Clanger. Fung them. Long live the Socialist Republic of Chilly Jockoland where creekit is banned and everything is for free.

The wee boy on the side admitted to sh**ging thirty women once.I think once he had a jobbie as a ski instructor. George Simenon claimed to have sh**ged 10,000 women. I tell kids this when I'm talking about writers. You can see the smart ones counting it up. One a day for how long ... He started when he was thirteen during the blackout in Belgium when he was out and about doing the black market thing. I'll count them up now for myself. I have sh@@@ed no women at all. I think all the women out there should vote for moi!

Shoot everyone who is too dumb to meditate. Shoot everyone who works more than fifteen hours a week. Shoot everyone who believes in capital punishment.

The Scottish boy did us proud. I think once he has on the Zorro mask with the scabs painted on he might even get elected.

I meditated all day today and then I went to the allotment to hide. Albert interrupted my journey, sneaking up on me. He doesn't look so bad once you've seen him once before. I showed him the hut and the hole therein. He did not offer to fix it. Or even spend some of the nazi gold on buying me a new hut. I don't think the folk who speak to me realise that this kind of thing is what lands you in hell. Everyone I speak to should offer me something. And then I'll try to give them something better back. I'm trying to emanate as the Medicine Buddha. If I got this right, that's the way it should work eventually. I can't sit all night in the hut with a rat visiting me this summer. If I can't do that, yous are all funged. Well, yous are all funged anyway being basically too dumb to meditate to start with. Allah Akbar

Clear way ahead!

Wednesday 8:37 p.m.
It's amazing what a difference a month makes at this time of year. There's still a chill in the wind tonight, but the plants are starting to explode into life. One of the photies is from last night when the Domestic Bliss and I went for a walk up the allotment. The allotment shot was taken today. It's of a branch of the apple tree. It's great that everything has come alive! The climate in this country is really brilliant so long as you don't have to work outside when it's horrible. Chilly Jockoland is really a fabulous, fabulous country to live in. So it is!

I dug up the last of last year's tatties today. I've never had tatties in the ground all winter. I wonder if they froze then unfroze. Anyway, I got them out just before they started growing again. The leek was pulled out. Over-wintered.

I don't have to go to the jobbie till Tuesday!! I reckon if I work my butt off, I can have most of the allotment dug and planted by then. Then that'll be off my back, so I can run and shadow box and do all the stuff I really like doing. I think I'm going to start writing again as well. I finished the crime book just before Christmas, I think.

It's two weeks till I get paid. As long as I don't need money for anything, that's fine. But I'm going to stop being like this. Being broke half the month. I mean, I can do it, but it's not necessary. I'd do anything except work.

Manifesto!

Wednesday 11:00 a.m.
I think I'm definitely the kind of joe who should be running this country. By that, I mean Scotland. Once the Tory basturns are back in power, I don't expect there to be a United Kingdom for very much longer.

I don't mind running the country as long as it doesn't mean having to do any work. I don't mind telling minions to do things for about an hour or so a day. Maybe half an hour.

I don't think there's really any problem with killing people as long as you sneak up on them and they don't get frightened. Folk have no souls ... we are just a collection of stuff like senses, perceptions, etc. - so I regard killing people in much the same way as I regard killing animals. It's okay if you sneak up on them and they're not expecting it. Unless you're a vegetarian or are some kind of religious nut, I don't see how you can have a problem with this.

The first folk for the chop are the headmasters of primary schools. If you're running a school where the percentage of pupils leaving it innumerate and illiterate reaches about eighteen percent (which is normal these days) you will be given a big bunch of flowers and told you're getting a pay rise and promotion (which is what happens now), but while the huge grin is still on your face, you get shot in the back of the head.

The second group of folk to get the bullet in the back of the skull are the headmasters of the secondary schools. If half the kids can't write properly by the time they're fourteen (the current condition), you get shot.

Unfortunately, my government will have to leave the private education sector alone for the time beingsince it's only in this sector than anyone still gets taught anything.

Here are some other little points I'd like to make
1) The working week will be cut to fifteen hours. That's three hours a day for five days which is quite enough for anyone.
2) Everyone should be given the dole whether they've got a job or not. If we cannot afford this, we should sell a bit of the country to the United States and a bit of the country to Russia, or China, or anyone else who wants it. This would be very good for world peace.
3) People who don't meditate for at least two hours a day will be shot. There are far too many lazy basturn flatheids in this country and not enough blissheids by a mile. People who don't meditate are profoundly stupid and we'd be better off without them.
4) My government would encourage mass immigration from the Bongo Bongo. Efricans are much nicer folk than the wee schemie basturns they attend this educational establishment with; they appreciate the chance to learn; and the girls are sometimes stunning looking; and we need bigger people so we can win the World Cup someday.
5) I would encourage mass immigration from anywhere that's buddhist. Obviously, these are countries full of smart basturns. Also, the women in these countries are at least brown and often deeply gorgeous. Unfortunately, they don't seem to like football as much as the Efricans, but for the buddhism ...
6) All drugs will be legal. Who said the state was there to stop you taking drugs?
There are a few other changes I'd like to make, but I haven't got any time left. Ihave to go home now and have a wee sleep.

Workaday

Tuesday 12:10 p.m.
I went to the Botanics yesterday and sat down on the same spot where I had the wonderful meditation the day before, but this time the results were much more ordinary.

Unpleasant thought frame yesterday. I had to go to the jobbie even although everyone else is on school holidays. I ran out of cash yesterday and I was doing quite bad nicotine withdrawals due to running out of bob hope also. Woe is me!! How did I ever end up like this? Fortunately, I do not believe in thoughts. After a dig and wee run, I had four bottles of German beer and felt much better. Feel fine today. Afer a half day tomorrow, I'm off till next Tuesday. Hurrah!

The photie pointing into the sun is from where I was sitting yesterday.

The Magnolia Tree

Monday 1:00 p.m.
After three kind of restless meditations yesterday, I left the lobby to go out into the beautiful spring day. Such a lovely day, I decided to walk through the Botanics and went to visit the magnolia tree in the secret garden.

I wasn't long in the gardens when I sat down under a tree - first name Tilia - and closed my eyes. What a fabulous meditation! The bliss just opened up and later, when I put in a few vase breaths, well, what can you say? Times like that make all the agitations and aggravations concerned with the juju well worthwhile. Fabulous!