The Lama!

Monday 11:10 p.m.
Brian Wilson ... with the pig's face hanging out of his top pocket, the two fags burning, the DVD of Boogie Nights playing on his reflector shades ... well, I will go into hell and save him from the retributions when he dies for what he did today. Such is friendship! He got here before seven and after I mis-read the maps twice (because I am a big girl really!), he got me into to see the lama with twenty minutes to go. It took over five hours driving time.

How long did you have with the lama, Hotboy? Maybe two minutes, Jack. The last time I spoke to him was maybe six years ago, or so. Did he miss you, Hotboy? I do not think so, Jack. Impartiality is what they do. Equanimity. I don't think if I'd been a devil he would have treated me any differently.

How did you do, Hotboy? I was cool, Jack. I didn't burble at him. I wasn't nervous. I was better at it than I was the last time I burbled at him and sat there feeling like an idiot. What did he say to you, Hotboy?

The Great Buddha, my root-guru, Lama Yeshe Losal said that I had to lay off the channels and the drops, the symbols. He said I wouldn't be able to handle the energy which would be unleashed. Although I told him I had only a half jobbie and could meditate there sometimes, he said I couldn't handle it with any jobbie at all. He said it was okay to do the Medicine Buddha juju, but really only the generation stage, not the completion stage, the bit with the symbols and channels and whatnot. He said "Your mind will go to a very bad place if you keep doing this". There will be difficulties.

Last night, because the dakini gave me a wee bit of bob, I was sitting up in bed sober for once, and doing the vase breathing and whatnot, and thinking: Can I cope with this? Will I be able to handle this? Then at four in the morning I'm wakening up with the light bliss heat running through my consciousness, and I was asking myself if I could handle this. Walking around in this jungle of flatheidedness, I do not think so!

He said the all over warmth and heat I was getting was okay. Natural. You get that with the meditations. It wouldn't do me any harm, but the symbols stuff and all was a no no.

I guess I'd better break down all the routines I've been doing, and construct something else. More like sitting quietly doing nothing. Non-self and emptiness is the name of the game anyway. Time to stop trying, Jack, and succumb to the bliss!

Two minutes face time with certainly one of the most exceptional human beings on the planet. What a fortunate creature I am, I am! What a fortunate creature I am!!