Another day!

Wednesday 11:08 p.m.
Apart from doing the five hills run, I stayed in all day due to the diabolical weather. Since we didn't have any visitors or such, I meditated up till quarter to eleven. Although I didn't even read a paper, or anything else, I don't think I managed much more than eight hours on the cushion. I think I started too late. Anyway, the last two meditations were glorious.

The trouble with the summer is that it get dark too late. It's stuck in my head that this juju works better as it is growing dark, but that doesn't happen around here till about quarter to eleven at the moment.

The first thing you learn is you always got to wait.

I wish I was on the night shift!

I've been thinking about talking to Lama Yeshe. I haven't been at all successful in these conversations before. The first time I spoke to him, he glowed at me. Or was glowing anyway. Sometimes he's seemed quite pissed off with me (everyone gets there sometime; anyone who teaches me anything anyway). It's been okay for me not to have spoken to him for maybe six years. I have trouble relating to him on any level. I don't know what he is. I have a reasonable appreciation of your usual joe or josephine, but ... well, if you're a flatheid, everybody's a flatheid, and that's easy. This guy is not your usual joe. This has been demonstrated to me.

This guy, and his big brother, are probably the most amazing joes to ever live in Scotland. I heard a rumour a couple of years ago that he might retire from being the abbot of the Samye Ling, and where would he go? Will he open a night club in San Franscisco. I think not. I imagine he'll go and sit on the Holy Isle, but I don't know.

When Lao Tzu was leaving China, the guard on the Great Wall told him to write it down and we got the Tao Te Ching (obviously, this might not be exact, but it is a wonderful book!). The lama needs a ghost writer. I saw this Roman Polanski movie about Blair and that showed you how to be a ghost writer. You taped some joe, and then got a secretary to transcribe it and then you smoothed it out. Fancy have a secretary to type it out!! Anyway, this is not a job for me, but somebody should do it!

What is going to happen to you, Hotboy? Nothing, Jack! But I would like somebody to sit on the knee of the Jade Emperor and ask him what happens during seven weeks in the dark, and such like. Because the joes who have done this are very few and far between. And the ones who've done it three times are like stars in the daytime. To think that I may even see such a creature on Monday is a wonderment.

This retreat ... pissing around really. Sitting en famille watching the telly. Dearie me! Tomorrow, I've lost the afternoon and on Friday I've lost the whole day and on Saturday I've lost the afternoon again. These losses encompass virtuous deeds, but they don't help you emanate as deity, Jack. They do not bring on the serenity, satiation, contentment. If it wasn't for the rapture, bliss, ecstasy and all that, I'd cut my throat, so I would. But not this week, Jack! Not this week! March on!