Trying!

Sunday 11:58 p.m.
As usual, I've been trying and trying and trying over the last few days. This can't be right, Jack. You should be being and not trying all the time. So I've decided to stop trying after this summer. Just give up. I'll give up after trying a bit harder than I've been trying just now. Maybe this summer I will go to the hut and sit for a wee bit and then, after that, aspire to normality. I feel like Pinocchio just now. I just want to be a normal boy. I can't even converse with flatheids properly. I say to the ultramarathon boy today as we are jogging along that I'm getting fat because I meditate so much. I meditate for about forty hours a week. Say that to a flatheid and there's nothing the flatheid can say back to you really.

I think he must stay on Ravelstone Dykes. He said he'd seen me going passed the first time round. He's probably seen me with my funny hat jogging away there and thinks that because I've got a funny hat on, I probably jog forever like him, or at least I'm a bit eccentric. No, no, no! I'm only jogging because I'm getting to be a fat basturn due to sitting on my backside all the time. Talk about eccentric?! You want to talk about being eccentric?

It's all got to stop, Jack! What about ra bliss then, Hotboy? Obviously, ra bliss will never leave moi! Not now, I don't think so. How did you get ra bliss then, Hotboy? I got it by trying and trying and trying, Jack. So now you want to stop trying? I just want to be happy, Jack. You can try too hard.

I think the way to stop trying is to try really, really hard, and then stop.

Are you, or are you not a fortunate creature, Hotboy? Jack, of all the creatures that have ever been, I am surely one of the most fortunate. And I am already the happiest joe that I know. And why is that, Hotboy? I have no idea. I am so fortunate and I don't even know why I am so fortunate. What a fortunate creature I am, I am! What a fortunate creature I am!