Purification!

Wednesday 11:20 p.m.
Sorry about the double photie again! It's a lavender bush. The apple blossom has gone now. The rhubarb is doing well. I've just burnt it in the pot. It came home with some leeks which had over-wintered, and were really neglected and left too long.

On the web, I was reading about this boy who walked off the park when he was sixteen. Can't remember his name. Another swami joe. So he gets this loss of "false" sense of self and goes to this sacred mountain and sits there. His false sense of self has gone and it's not coming back. I lost it once for a few seconds, but this boy just lost it. And it wasn't coming back. So he goes to the sacred mountain and just sits there. There's a name for this kind of samahdi, but I can't remember what it is. Nava... something. Anyway, he's just sitting there doing this further on state from ra bliss for years. Things start eating him as he sits there, but I don't think you'd notice in that state.

Later on, he has the ashram as these boys do, and when other joes ask him about how to temper desires, he says you've got to lose the false sense of self or they will arise again somehow. Like, you can get rid of them for a bit, but they will spring back as soon as you lose attention, or stop trying, or whatnot.

Hotboy, some folk really don't seem to have strong desires. They just go around being nice all the time. This is true, Jack, as far as we can observe. They don't drink too much, or do anything too much. I take my hat off to them. I wish I was one of those nice people. Unfortunately, I am not very good at that, whatever it is that makes them not too desirous, and quite nice. I'd like to apologise to all the nice people out there and say I would like to be just like them. You are what everyone should aspire to. The opposite of the Daleks.

I will get paid tomorrow. I will change addictions from the home brew, the last of which I will throw down the sink tonight, to soapbar, which is not a very good bit of bob hope at all really. But it's a million times better than home brew!

The lama said I should talk to him again when I had a problem! What a laugh! How many problems could I list? Apart from the bliss and the heat and the attempts to emanate as a deity, I've got bugger all but problems! The whole of moi is one big problem!

My credit card debt has disappeared. Somebody stuck a grand into that debt and now there is only about 93 quid to pay off!

Whoever you are, I have always relied on the kindness of strangers. Tennessee Williams. The door.