Monday 10:59 p.m.
I could feel my addictions switch today. I smoked the last of the dope last night. Tonight, I wondered if I wanted nicotine. Nope. I got home and instead of reading the Times and falling asleep, I trained, showered and meditated. Afterwards I felt a bit tired. There was something waiting for me. I think it's called normality. It's not bad and it's not good. It's waiting for the evening to pass. Without any nicotine, dope, drink or anything. Normality is so bland.
So I ended up buying four cans of wifebeater because none of the shops around here had any Erdinger. Because I can't stand the bland.
The bland is like family life except when it's stopped being interesting, like when they've all moved away.
I think you may need a very strong sense of self, a real affirmation, to want to lose it. If you have a weak sense of self due to being brought up among the evil bourgeois, with all the marching up and down, the clean shoes, and the anal repression, I don't see how you can possibly be equipped to destroy the (false) sense of self ... because that's the only thing you've got and all you have and all you can hold onto in this life.
So I'm sorry about all the bad things I've said in this bloggy about the progeny of the evil bourgeois, and how it would be better if they just topped themselves ... and all that stuff about the too dumb to meditate ... because it's not really your fault that you've now made the choices about not meditating and all that. But it is!
Bland is good for you. Doing the bliss maybe requires stepping out from yourself and after all that evil calvinist toilet training I can see that it was wrong for me to pick on yous like that. So I am sorry. Please accept my apologies. I know why you don't meditate now. It's not because you are stupid although not meditating means you become stupider as you get older. It's that once you get locked in with the petit b0urgeois, well, once you're in there, there's nothing anyone can do for you!
What do you think, Jack? Fung them, Hotboy. Go and write a book. Stop wasting you time on the bloggy. Blogging is another addiction. I must give it up!
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7 comments:
Encouraging to see you experiencing normality. Some of us have been doing it all our lives. Keep trying and you could get off all the addictions except humping.
I say! "like family life except when it's stopped being interesting."
When did it ever start?
Albert? I was going to delete this post since I was pissed whilst writing it, but I can't now that you've left comments! Hotboy
I don't know, bland might be a nice change.
But then I'm busy as a one armed paper hanger this week.
When you think about it blogging is writing. Maybe instead of writing the novel privately. Blog it in installments.
I've finally been in the worst rehearsal space ever. A warehouse at a distillery. No window glass, just bars so the temp inside is the same as outside, just no rain.
And worst of all it was empty, so you couldn't even sneak a bug out of a barrel and get a sip to warm your innards.
Marie! That rehearsal space sounds woeful. I went to watch rehearsals for my play about the drug laws, called Busted, and found out they'd hired space from the British Pharmaceutical Society! Hotboy p.s. I'm not giving up blogging. It's the only writing I can do half sozzled!
I say!
Bland, Colin - a great fielder.
MM III
You hide it well. I must try it some time, blogging after a full bottle of Freedom Ale Lite.
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