Cat McGough!

00:34 a.m.
Cat McGough's big sister was completely out of your range gorgeous. Like a different planet 0f gorgeousness. Like big and older than you were and way beyond your expectations.

I'm on the bus and going off on a pilgrimage to Lourdes and we're setting off from Viewpark outside the chapel at the top of Laburnum Road and everyone is happy. It's a sunny happy occasion. I think I want to send Cat McCough a postcard and I ask out of the bus window what is your address to the Cat's big sister. She is just completely huge and dead healthy and deep fung beautiful. Of course, women like that just take the piss when you're skinny and fifteen or sixteen. So as the bus is starting to go away, I ask her for her address and she smiles and smiles, and you know she's taking the piss, and she asks why do I want her address, and I say I want to send your wee sister a postcard.

Cat appeared at the YM when she was a bit younger than you'd expect. She had a pal. I knew her pal's brother. Her pal, whose name escapes me, was wonderfully wry and amusing. The Dorothy Parker of fifteen year old girls. Now that I think of it ... doesn't matter ... she was far too smart and clever for me. Cat was skinny and young and baldy. Well, her hair was swept across her brow. She didn't speak much. At the slow dances, she just stuck to you.

I had a chance to dance with Cat every week. And that was okay. An acknowledgement. We know who you are and where you come from.

So there's a lot of snogging on these dancefloors for prods on the last dances, but we're not going there. But it gets to be Christmas and the mistletoe comes out and someone puts the mistletoe over me and wee Cat. And, oh, how much I hugged her. And she wouldn't let me go. Tony is standing dancing with her pal, the Dorothy Parker, and the snogging is going on and on and on, and she wouldn't let me go. Fixed. Hung on you. A wee skelf of passion. I had to tell her, and it was a ten minute snog, that I couldn't go out with her because she was only fifteen and I was seventeen. It broke my heart too, Jack.

Me and Tony were going to organise a party and we asked these two tim gurls from the YM if they would come. There's a game called Stations. You play a single and you snog who you are with and do that till it stops and then the girls move round, to the next station.

I fell into that girl. I so loved her. I was lying on top of her on this living room carpet and I thought that maybe my arm had moved a bit round too far, but I couldn't move it back, and I was kind of groping her unintentionally, and nobody stopped, and she was just so sucking my teeth out of my head and being so attractive and attracting to me that when I go to heaven, I I hope she will be waiting for me there.

I went up the road with her to her house half way up Laburnum Road. We started snogging in the close. No one has ever loved me the way that girl loved me. I started kissing her and it was like whack! She came in and held. Sometime there was a noise from above and I tried to flee, and jumped over the back fence, and fell, and knocked over the bin and so on, and it was a completely wonderful evening.

You should have stuck with her, Hotboy! I didn't know how to do that, Jack!