The Lama and moi!

Wednesday 9:02 p.m.
I just knew I'd start to lose weight once the ingredients for the magic soup ran out and, lo, it has come to pass. So I'm just starting on four bottles of Erdinger, purely as a means of stalling any drastic diminutions.

I thought you weren't going to drink beer at home anymore, Hotboy? This is true, Jack, but there's always a middle way!

I got an email from Froggy McDuck telling me the longest he'd managed to meditate was 12 minutes. This reminded me of what it was like to start trying to meditate and it is not easy. Also, there doesn't seem to be a reason for doing it.

Having a mind and using it and never training it is a fung disgrace, Jack. Or, at least, a terrible shame.

The first time I had an interview with the lama was about 1997, nine years after I'd had a brief meeting with his big brother. The lama was radiant that day. I thought it might be because he'd not long been on a 49 day in the dark retreat, but he was radiant anyway.


I had several questions to ask him. What is the bright light? What is it that's trying to pull you up? I remember getting hold of my shoulder and pulling it up. What is that? I had three questions written down and I don't think he answered any of them. He told me I needed a guru.

Wasted the next six years thinking there was no point until I stopped smoking tobacco in the joints. (I think I'll just spark the first one now, Jack). I should have jumped into his arms!!!

After the six year hiatus, I think I might have had interviews with him about four or five times, the last time being when I had the mega inner heat experience, shortly after the 6th April, 2003. I haven't spoken to him since. I asked him what the etiquette was in seeing him and he told me to ask to see him when I had a problem. I haven't had a problem. My problems are due to lack of giving things up, lack of purification. I wrote to Teresa once that my job was to get my mind into some kind of state so that he could help me, and I still think that.

I don't often feel at a disadvantage when I'm talking to folk, Jack. I've been fortunate to speak to folk who are more talented, smarter, etc., but I've only felt like a complete idiot speaking to that man. Imagine you want to dance and you're speaking to Fred Astaire! You want to learn how to box? Here's Marvelous Marvin! You're not only not in the same league, you don't even know what the leagues are like!

I've told myself I don't have to speak to him. To do this juju, you're supposed to regard your guru as a buddha. You don't have to speak to a buddha. Also, all I could say really is that I haven't done the prostrations and I haven't done the recitations of the 100 syllable mantra, and I haven't given up anything bad so far.

You have committed fornication. Ah, but that was in another country and, besides, the wench is dead. Beer kicking in! Anybody know who wrote that?

I nod at him, a wee bow, whenever I see him. He nodded at me at the drupcho last year. He nodded at me! I thought he knows who I am! Hurrah!

Maybe I've got a problem coming up. Maybe I haven't done this juju in the right order and something bad will come from this. So, maybe Teresa this time asks me if I want to speak to the lama and I say yes. What will I ask him this time, Jack?

I'd like to ask him to swop minds. My mind is full of moi, and all kinds of other stuff that you don't really want to know about. In a puff of breath, I've got his mind instead of mine. I've no idea what it would be like having a mind like that. I've done enough meditating to realise that much.

So what should I say? I'm sorry for being an asshole is a given. I don't think I should ask him anything personal somehow. Or flippant. I shouldn't ask him if maybe his big brother had seen anyone flying about. I shouldn't ask him if he's ever witnessed miraculous events. I suspect he might have, but that's a frivolous question. We're living in a miraculous universe. In a way, we've all seen miraculous events. All the time.

Fortunately, despite myself, I've had nothing but wonderfulness from doing this juju, so if I get to speak to him maybe it would be good if I could tell him a joke. I only know one joke. I'll tell you my joke if you leave a comment asking for it. Otherwise ... there's really nothing to say. Except that Froggy McDuck is doing the right thing. 12 minutes if you haven't done it much is quite a lot. He's got screaming wanes and a jobbie and whatnot. He just has to keep doing it.

I'm heading for the Samye Ling tomorrow! What a fortunate, fortunate creature I am, I am! What a fortunate creature I am!