Retreatless!

Saturday 12:51 p.m.
If I hadn't spent all my spare cash on drink and drugs, I could have spent a few days in the tent at the Samye Ling this week. I really miss not going there every time the school is on holiday. And sometimes it has felt as if the UnFortunate OneS were sucking the blood out of my veins, and removing good meditation time from what's left of this precious lifetime. The UFOs do not know what they are missing, but I do. I rested in the hope that today I would have the whole day in the flat on my own, and stayed sociable this morning on account of this, but events, dear boy, events ... the cold and wet and wind have altered arrangements. Let's look on the bright side!

I'm not carrying many injuries at the moment! Hurrah! I still cannot get my right shoulder into a reverse namaste, but otherwise the capsulitis isn't bothering me at all. Last week I started sitting in a full lotus sometimes and I haven't been doing that since my vein exploded in June. I did manage for the first time in ages in getting into a lotus while standing on my head. Also, there was a possibility of getting visit from Brian Wilson today and that's been cancelled due to the filthy weather.

I remember a dream I had a couple of days ago. I was in this, my room and I knew Brian Wilson and his wife were visiting because I recognised two of the bikes parked against mine. Then a man came through the door and went to look out the window. I asked him who he was and he turned out to be a friend of Brian Wilson's wife and he was here as the leader of a Christian fellowship who had come by a tour bus which was down in the street. The room filled up with a bus load of teenage Christian fungers. I was asking politely what they thought they were doing in my room. Then I was asking them not very politely. Insouciantly being ignored I was! I ended up holding the front door open and shouting out: WHY DON'T YOU FUNG OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE! Not a difficult dream to work out, I wouldn't think

All my plans are simple. Retreat, retreat!

2:57 p.m.
Just came in from the first sit in the lobby. This morning I did an hour and a half before anyone else was up. Then I did one tai chi set, one headstand and one backbend over a chair. That meditation session has completely revived my spirits. Tons of bliss when I wanted it. At one point I found myself inviting some dead people in the bardo to come and enjoy the meditation with me. It seemed appropriate somehow at the time, Jack. Remember you promised the lama you wouldn't go mad, Hotboy! I'll be back!

10:00 p.m.
I've been meditating up until ten minutes ago ... apart from the physical jerks and bathing. Just started on the home brew barrel, but I filled it up with water through the week so that it should now be small beer, I hope. A mild refreshment!Hmmm? Ratttled into the first one since I was pretty dehydrated. Well, the jerks tonight were five minutes skipping, twenty of Mr Iyengar's yogic jumpings, three threes and 49 knee bends (doyos to tai chi fans!).

Somebody asked me to do some juju for a friend of theirs who is dying of cancer. The joe apparently isn't too happy. I haven't really done much for still living people before, but I remember listening to the Lama Yeshe tape a wee while ago and he was saying you should practise Tonglen.

This means you breathe in someone's suffering and breathe out, well, bliss or happiness or not-suffering into them. I think you imagine taking on their suffering and ...

You can't do that, Hotboy! What, Jack? Take on other people's suffering. I know that, Jack, but the lama said you could do it if you were a buddha and you might be a buddha in a few aeons and then you'd be able to do it because you'd started practising now. This is forward planning, eh, Hotboy?

Jack, I can't do deity yoga, or dream yoga, or any of this juju, but it doesn't stop me practising it, does it? If I have to face dying from the black spot sometime, I don't suppose I'll be too happy either, Jack. Maybe if I do it for someone, somebody else will do it for me. But will that be any good to you, Hotboy? Maybe not, Jack, but it will do them some good.

It's not supposed to be all about moi! At the end of the day, there isn't supposed to be any moi.

I'm blogging about this because it is a positive development in my practise. This will be very good for me. This might not have happened if I hadn't gone on the piss with somebody last Sunday. This is very good indeed!