Being a Fat Basturn!

Thursday 9:30 p.m.
Imagine the chagrin last night when I stepped on the scales and found myself once again at twelve and a half stone. I started dieting three or four weeks ago and then I was twelve and a half stone as well. Dearie me!

I shaved off my wee beard this summer partly so I could get a good look at the big baw heid, the saggy jowls and the double chin, of the fat drunken basturn. I've got a wardrobe of clothes which fit someone a stone and a half lighter.

I stopped eating so much bread. I wasn't eating at all at the jobbie though I was drinking three or so pints of home brew a night still. After a couple of weeks of this, was down to twelve and a quarter stone, so I'd lost about four pounds. Then, I decided that the only way to lose the beer belly was to stop drinking beer. So I stopped drinking beer a little over a week ago, apart from Saturday. I stopped eating bread in the evenings and only really ate soup after lunchtime.

I put on four blinking pounds substituting soup for beer and bread! That can't be right.

This is magical soup, Hotboy! If you'd gotten 333oRaBlissBookxx published last year and had been able to give up the jobbie and go into hut industries, the magical soup would have been a sure moneyspinner!

I must have been eating enormous quantities of soup. I was consuming a full pot every two days, but since there's no fat in soup, well .... There are a lot of tatties in your soup, Hotboy. Yes, Jack, there are a lot of tatties in my soup. Four or five baked potato sized tatties in each one.

Even at that, unless the soup is magical ... well, the Tibetans have magic pills. I've got a half packet of them up in the room, now that I remember. Folk must meditate over them and do a lot of thinking about them. Well, most of the ingredients of the soup are from the allotment and I meditate up there all the time. Three hours today, for instance.

I still don't see how the sums work. The scales are alright. Of course, since I wasn't drinking beer and such, I was meditating more. I spent seven hours today so far doing nothing at all. On the other hand, I've always taken twice as much exercise as just about anybody apart from a mentally ill person. I did a big dig this afternoon. Hmmm?

Cycling and digging and shadow boxing are all very well, but if you want to lose weight, there's nothing like running long slow distances. Just when the weather gets even filthier. Hmmm? I'm not happy staying a fat basturn though. Maybe I'll have a beer and think about it some more.