Diaries!

Thursday 11.52 a.m.
I spoke to a nun at the jobbie once and told her about the bliss, hoping that being a nun and praying a lot and whatnot she'd know about the bliss, or at least know someone else who was doing the bliss. She said she thought I was a very unusual person.

I am a very ordinary average joe. I thought maybe if I broadcast a bit about the bliss, then some folk would think that this was a good thing to go for. You'd think that getting some bliss into your life would be ... anyway, it seems I'm forever doomed to be surrounded by the big, hairless monkeys, the too dumb to meditate, the flatheids. So this blogging is actually just another addictive stupid waste of time.

I got the diaries out because there's nothing left to blog about. I might start blogging old diary entries. I'd like to find out when I started meditating. Anyway, if you'd like to pick a date, I'll go and look for it. They run from about 1968 till the present, but only intermittently.

What's the point of telling yous about the bliss? This morning I'm a wee bit crabbit since I've been smoking joints since Sunday and have to give that up today.

I'm going to see our friend who's in hospital with the MS today. Tomorrow, Bellshill. Saturday, flatheids maybe coming for dinner. Let's hope I get Sunday!!!

Blogs

Wednesday 10:10 p.m.
What happens to blogs? I was writing my diary up in the hut today and I don't do that so much these days. This is partly because nothing much is happening because it's against my religion to do anything to agitate your mind. The story of my life recently has just been about the loads of bliss. But I enjoyed writing in this journal today and when I've filled it, I'll put it in a big case with a lot of other diaries and never look at it again. But I'll know where it is. So what happens to blogs then? Do they fall finally into the abyss over the edge of the blogosphere?

No jobbie till Monday. What a great time I'm going to have! Succumbing to the bliss. Awash in the bliss. Oh ra bliss, ra bliss, ra bliss!

Trepidations

Monday 10:20 p.m.
September's raspberries are bigger, more succulent, but not as sweet. The earlier ones were a disaster this year, but not the September ones. Red in tooth and claw, so it is.

Whatever it is, kundalini or whatnot, it's getting a lot stronger. You're expecting more heat and you get more ... force. It almost feels as if it's running through you sometimes, but going nowhere; expanding, arising. It makes me feel like meditating an awful lot of the time. Can't begin to tell you how great all this is. It just is. Fabulous feelings. Excitement. You never expect it to become the way it becomes. It constantly surprises. It's wonderful and as weird as hell.

I think I must be a nutter.

Sunday Update!

Sunday 9:20 p.m.
Due to believing in lying basturn thoughts, I gave up giving up last night and had two bottles of home brew while watching Scotland actually beat someone at the footie. Then I bought fags tonight to have a few joints before going back to the jobbie tomorrow. Just a wee holiday, Jack. I'm not eating soapbar tonight and I will resume giving everything up again tomorrow.

"Three wheels on my wagon, but I'm still rolling along ... "

I did fifty of Mr Iyengar's yogic jumpings tonight, but the bliss came on so strongly in the bath that I got out to resume the sitting meditations. So I'm here to report to the spam robots and the Alien Creatures from Outer Space that the two weeks of comparative purifications have indeed produced the goods! Such bliss!! Feels terrific sitting here and closing my eyes occasionally. The whole thing has moved on. What a fortunate creature I am, I am! What a fortunate creature I am!!

Cue the Heavenly Visions!

Friday 11:25 p.m.
I've been staring at the candle for most of the evening. Then they came home and I had to come out. Folk don't find staring at candles to be a useful task and try as hard as they can to stop you doing it when they come home. Like, shove the door you're sitting against and shout: Hoy, you! I mean, I was trying to emanate, so I was. So I have to sit here at the computery thing with the noise blockers on. This is me being sociable.

The only problem is that the world looks just the same to me as it does to you. I never did wholly like that view. It's kind of cold. The view generally gets much better when you take drugs. But if you take drugs, you lose out on the bliss when you meditate. The drugs agitate your mind and are a handicap. So if you stop taking the drugs, you get more of the bliss. But you're stuck with the view you didn't like in the first place.

I think it's time the cue the heavenly visions. Everything is going fabulously well with the meditations, I must say. Also, since I'm eating soapbar every night, I never get to that view, the cold one. I go straight from the bliss into being stoned without the nasty little gap in the middle. I'm always sorry at first that I took it in the first place when it starts to break up the meditation, but then I start to enjoy the chaos.

You're going to have to stop eating the soapbar, Hotboy. I know that, Jack. I have to straighten up to get more out of my face. Oh well, I suppose someone has to do it.

The Grand Ennui!

Thursday 10:50 a.m.
Remorselessly, the rain falls. I'm sure we didn't used to have days like this.

A plumber has arrived on my wonderful Thursday to fit the washing machine. But the Domestic Bliss will be out all evening and the kiddos are no bother. I can hide.

There will be more bliss today than ever before. I may get some heat. I am so extremely fortunate to be able to practise this juju. To be able to take a breath and fill your body with bliss! Who would have believed that this was possible? It is indeed a shame that the world is full of folk who do not practise the great vajrayana, the juju of jujus! This is the bliss! This is the bliss! This is the bliss!

10:00 p.m.
Subtleties may be involved, no doubt; little shadings here and there may make a difference. Taking twenty odd pints of good German beer (Achtung! Achtung!) out of the mindstream is bound to have an effect. Mental calming. Don't do stuff to agitate the mind. Equanimity is supposed to be the name of the game at the end of the day. Slaying the Nicotine Dragon once more is most satisfying in all kinds of ways. But you have to sometimes lie down and read a book. Like some sad basturn! It's not the meditations that are the problem; it's the rest of the time when you're not allowed to have fun; it's the onset of the grand ennui. No doubt if one waited long enough the happiness would come through ... longueurs is a good word. I wish I knew what it meant.

I do not have a problem with the above because I've been eating a big bit of soapbar of an evening. Something screams out that total abstinence is not my tao. I'm really not comfortable there for very long. Up to about nine o clock at night does me.

I didn't go out today. It's still raining. I stared at a candle for about four hours today. You get more bliss by keeping your eyes closed. Right into self mortification me. Then I did ten minutes skipping, twenty of Mr Iyengar's yogic jumpings,and three three minute rounds of shadow boxing.

The bath is a highlight more and more. Tonight the bath bliss was significantly different somehow. Then the bob hope came on and this new bliss was now the zonkeroony bliss, which is a falling away from the path, but what the hell! I haven't been eating much soapbar this year due to the jolly joints and the infrequency of supply, but I do love it. It suits me. It's my big sweetie at the end of the day.

I started on the re-write today. Be a completely different book. I'm going back to it's original title, Remote Control. Different characterisations and mucho humpings. Dismantelings and reassemblings. This will take years and years! I'm not sure that I shouldn't just stick with investigating the bliss, but I've had a year off. If I can stay off the beer, anything is possible!

Happy Days!

Tuesday.
No wonder the progeny of the evil bourgeois grow up so funged up and neurotic! You don't get any peace in these wee families. Folk are always on your case.

Living in a flat with three other people, I have much more peace to be with myself than I would with only one. You've got to talk to the one a lot. I was brought up in a house with eight other folk in it and I probably hardly said a word to any of them. You pass by. You say hullo. Maybe you don't.

Right now, the flatheids can keep each other company and I don't have to worry bout leaving somebody on their own. So I spent some wonderful times over the weekend in my room with the curtains drawn, staring at candlelight. This is great.

When I got home last night, I felt knackered from the jobbie and a bit crabbit, as I often am at that time of night. Since I couldn't doze off on the couch, I went to my room and lay on the bed. Savasana in a bliss coccoon. This is a bit special and is a wonderful by-product from the meditations. Then I got up and went to the hut.

I was going to do some digging, but the rain came on. After an hour and a half in the hut I came home and had a cannybliss yogurt and then did some skipping and shadow boxing.

What can I say about lanquishing in the bath except that such an experience is something a flatheid will never have. This is a shame.

At half ten I got out of the bath after an hour and a half and then went to bed.

This was the best Monday for ages!! This is the bliss! This is the bliss! This is the bliss!

Needless to say, I haven't started work on the re-writer of xxxBomber yet!!