Tuesday, 10 August 2010
Tuesday or Wednesday 11:54 p.m.
First fortuitous circumstance: Every night for ages they've settled down to watch a DVD in here. They eat huge meals then watch a movie. I'm joining in now since the Domestic Bliss is having a week's holiday. So I'm joining in, or trying to, so I am. Last night, I was going to really join in and try to watch a movie en famille, but it turned out to be a dead violent movie, and it had subtitles. Subtitles! Apart from the sound effects of folk getting the shit kicked out of them, etc., ... I just sat there with my eyes closed doing the bliss!
Second fortuitous circumstance: I get to go to classical musical stuff with the Domestic Bliss sometimes. This lunchtime I was at a free thing in St Mary's Cathedral. On such business, I have been in lots of churches around the middle of the beautiful, wonderful city, but this one is for Kafflicks. After the hustle I've been getting from the Tibetans, was getting to the Kafflick cathedral apropos or what? Anyway, the songs were in German and Russian and I could just sit there doing the bliss. Oh, ra bliss, ra bliss, ra bliss!
Then I got taken to St John's Church in the West End and we saw these Tibetan monks making a mandala. Worth a visit, so it was, but I never wanted to be a monk. I also never wanted to become a priest, when that was something that was offered to me as a kid. Do you have a vocation? Fung off!
So are we going to march in line (def dight; def dight, def dight) or are we not, Hotboy?
I've been getting wonderful feelings thinking about the lama, as in the guru yoga juju, but I am supposed to be one of the folk who are not marching in line. My jobbie in the juju is not to march in line. I am supposed to have read the book they don't like, and to have been unable to properly bond with the masters of the juju, and I'm not supposed to care about crashing and burning.
Who is it who is going to crash and burn? Tell me that, eh?
It's going to be you, Hotboy. You have to take it one step at a time.
Hmmm? I think one has to use one's common sense here. I can't stop doing some vase breathing because of the wonderful, wonderful effects it has. Having developed that, what would be the point of abandoning it now? The connection between breath and bliss is what I've been surfing on for years. Just use it sparingly!
So I'm stuck with generation stage. There is the ecstasy in the generation stage. You can do that there. You can do the ecstasy in the calmiing meditations. I'm going to get the bliss if I just sit in the auditorium, maybe listening to some classical joe's music.
Also, what is the matter with visualising the symbols? So you do the generation stage then go to the symbols ... I think I've got to be less like a teenager with their parent's car. Just do a deep breath when life seems a little dull. That sometimes happens when you've lost the plot and are just sitting there like a moron. So, then you are maybe allowed to do a vase breath to crank you up a bit.
As far as raising the awareness through the symbols is concerned, with the vase breath ... fair enough, that will only be done on the rare occasions when you are pretty pissed with life, and need a mega jump into a happier zone.
My toys have been taken off me, but am I walking off the park, Jack? Am I spitting out the dummy? You are close to spitting out the dummy, Hotboy, but you know ... you know ... you know ... how to handle this.
You need more abiding in the bliss. Less ambition.
For most of the last ten years I have had a great obsession, or a change of obsession. My obsession changed anyway. It looks as if my second obsession has been as difficult to achieve as my first obsession, which was about writing things down.
I can close my eyes most times, Jack, and the bliss will be there. It's like a default position. That's very clever, Hotboy, but so what?
I think I should try to find a middle way between my first and second obsessions.
I do not think this is going to work. My second obsession is so much better than my first obsession. But if I stop meditating so much ... and I have been doing thirty to forty hours a week now for years and years ... I'll have to find something else to do. Hmmm?
The Hotboy Escort Agency is now open for business.