Tuesday 4:55 p.m.
After the stumblebumming about the place and the generally bad boy stuff from yesterday, the meditations today have been of a different order yet again. So there's no point in agonising about this stuff. You just have to get on with it.
The lama said the all-over heat you get is a natural part of the meditation, so I guess you reach the heat without the vajrayana. Straightforward calming meditation should get you to heat eventually. I don't know. The heat that rushes up your central channel and fries your pineal gland is the stuff you've got to watch out for, it seems. I've been getting more than usual of the first kind of heat in the brilliant, brilliant meditations I've had today so far.
I have been slightly timorous about the vase breathing since speaking to the lama, but I was casually throwing them in today without forcing it at all and without any channels or symbols and all that jazz. It just feels so right. You've got to listen to yourself as well!!
And the flat has been empty all day, so I've stayed put.