Even More Solitude!

Tuesday 9:50 a.m.
I've cancelled the jobbie for this week so I don't have to speak to anyone.

The guy who might have come to sit, but wouldn't have, has ripped a muscle in his chest from playing golf, and couldn't have anyway. Some guys have all the luck!!

1:10 p.m.
Both meditations this morning exhibited qualities - this is really in the internal movements in the sheath thing - which I hadn't seen before. As I was trying to focus on the movement and developments in the bliss, it did occur to me that if this stuff happened to you suddenly, you might be completely freaked out by it. Oh, well. That's flatheids for you! The nicotine withdrawals are due to kick in today, but so far so good!

10:20 p.m.
I eventually finished the bob hope today about twelve hours ago, and was expecting severe retributions which, fortunately, didn't really occur.

Looking forward with anxiety is stupid. I try to notice that. Anxieties. Stupid anxieties.

This afternoon I was a bit jumpy, but after the shadow boxing and skipping, I was much better. During the afternoon, I thought I was getting a taste of being old and not liking it.

Hotboy, you are old. I know, Jack, but I meant older!

Anyway, when you're old, your partner will be dead and you will be on your own all day with nothing that really needs doing most of the time. It's okay then if you're not getting nicotine withdrawals and you can succumb to the bliss and whatnot. Otherwise, you are just waiting for the time to go in.

I don't want to be the kind of old person I see the flatheids becoming. That is completely brutal. I don't think old people should live on their own.

How long would you like to live then, Hotboy? Well, Jack, I'd like to live long enough to be able to voluntarily exit my body, which is one of the Six Yogas of Naropa. They say you can use this when you are dying if you haven't got the rest of the juju sussed out. They say it is not cool to voluntarily exit your body too soon, but bugger that, Jack.

When I read how old the old lineage joes became in the long ago, I was well impressed. Of course, the buddha died when he was eighty four, I think. You should stay alive as long as you can be a help, but these days I've reversed my opinion of the deaths of the 16th Karmapa and Paramahansa Yogananda, who were younger than me when they died. I thought they had died far too young. But I assume they believed in some kind of rebirth. Also, they would have lost this false sense of self .....

Where the thoughts are just thoughts that arise, abide and decline. They are not owned by you, these thoughts. If there is one big thing, surely it is better to associate yourself with that than with the stupid thoughts you have personally. The stupid, lying thoughts!

So ... birth, ageing and death.. grief, sorrow, lamentations ... delusions, disappointments and despair ... suffering in this life. That's the end of the 12 links of dependant origination. You should be able to stop it at the ageing. You don't get to choose when you die unless you top yourself.

One of the amazing things I've seen on the telly over the last ten years was the first buddhist monk to immolate himself in Vietnam when we were fighting for democrasy and not allowing a free vote. He clearly wasn't there when the fire took hold. Other, younger monks set fire to themselves and showed evident pain and reflexive behaviours, like curling over and rolling on the ground. The old boy just sat and didn't move. Somehow he wasn't there between sitting down and going on fire. Looked like a voluntary exit to me.

I've just drank the first bottle of home brew. Maybe I'll have another one!

Hope everyone is getting on with it excellently out there. Hello, whoever you are from Mountain View in California. Hello, to the folk in Finland! Allah Akbar!

Solitude!

Saturday 6:35 p.m.
The Domestic Bliss departed for a ten day holiday today, so hello solitude! Goodbye loving kindness, but here comes the bliss!

I was going to the hut, but such a beautiful day it was that I decided to take a walk around the Botanical Gardens. For a couple of years, the gate near us has been closed, but today it was miraculously open! They've built a new display entrance area there now and they really have done a much better job than I expected.

I just walked through and went looking for a seat in the secret garden. The first photie is of the seat. What a wonderful time I had sitting there today, meditating with warm sun in my face. The second photie is of Bottie trees. The last two photies were taken in Inverleith Park on the way to the Botanics. This is a beautiful, wonderful city! Especially if you are moi and fortunate enough to live right beside these green places.

I came home and did a skipping and shadow boxing session in the full Beer Monster Reduction Vehicle. I lost three pounds in sweat. A gallon of water weights ten pounds, so that's a couple of pints of sweat. I wish I could sell it to somebody.

The tobacco stops on Monday. I will be biting my hand off till Thursday. Every three days I'll shadow box once and run once. Of course, standing on my head and doing Tai Chi throughout.

I've asked my friend with the black spot if he wants to come round and meditate with me of an evening. Sit for an hour. I'll be sitting anyway. Don't bring any tobacco. Sitting for an hour if you're not used to it can seem like an cruel and unusual torture, far less doing it night after night, but it would probably do me a lot of good if he did show up, so I hope he does.

I'll be blogging a lot over the next ten days, but I won't be doing much, so it'll have to be about the bliss. Oh, ra bliss, ra bliss, ra bliss! And now off to the lobby!

10:30 p.m.
Just sitting watching a show about Gandhi on the telly. Close your eyes and you're away. A joint every two hours or so. Bom Shiva! It still doesn't matter all that much. Soapbar is crap to smoke. But you just sit still and the thing which was once such a small, creepy-uppy thing is in the background, caressing and arising and stretching. How can this not be a wonderful world when there is such bliss in it! I've a few obstacles before I'm clean on Thursday. But the juju is developing! How it is developing!! Now I'll roll a couple of joints, throw away any tobacco (a nightly ritual these days!), go to bed and watch the footie on telly. Hurrah!

The Gasman Cometh

Thursday 5 p.m.
I think we must have been due to blow up, Jack! The street outside is being dug up; jack hammers at midnight and dawn.

I took the photies in the allotment this afternoon apart from the nuclear explosion at the end of the street; that's the sun going down in the street near where Poisonous lives on Sunday evening.

The old, toothless one and I ran the hills last night; the running is now returning to the wonderfulness of old and the weight is still dropping off me.

The only bad thing has been smoking joints for the last fortnight. I was going to stop today, but it turns out I have to do some missionary work this evening.

The reconditioned computer thing the kiddo's boyfriend fixed up for me didn't work of course. Freezing. I took it back to the shop today. I wrote my first novel on an Imperial 66 typewriter. Wonderful thing. Changed the ribbons and that was that. A wonderful thing.

Fabulous things continue to develope in the bliss. I do the bliss and nicotine withdrawals simultaneously. Dearie, dearie me.

Sunday night!

Sunday 11:40 p.m.
Poisonous never phones me up. So he phoned me up yesterday and I had a disease. But I went to see him this evening. The Alien Creatures from Outer Space can't have given me any choice. You're on this raft of consciousness, they said, and some other flatheids are going to be on this with you. They will not meditate. You cannot tell them about the bliss because you couldn't imagine the bliss when you didn't meditate. And so they are flatheids of the worst kind and will never be happy.

I want to be happy. I would like to think I was an observing part of the One Big Thing. Someday I would like to be watching the Heavenly Visions.

I was never really Scottish. I've been trying. But I was never really Scottish. Those who underwent the severe Calvinist toilet training know what it is to be a Scottish person. Poisonous is a Scottish person. He disdains happiness.

If the first noble truth is the truth of suffering, maybe these miserable basturns has got it in one.

Help me, Jack! Well, Hotboy, remember that eventually it should all be of one taste. It shouldn't matter what it feels like. Until then, remember that it is better to feel good than to feel bad. It's got to be better. You might feel bad soon enough.

Dearie, dearie me! Still, back to the jobbie tomorrow. Thank God for other peoples nice kiddos. I've got about forty pages of the re-write. Allah Akbar!

My Wonderful Thursday!

Thursday 11:30 a.m.
The photies are from the lobby this morning. The glass panel behind the buddha is by the kiddo.

Background music for this from Screaming Jay Hawkins singing Heart Attack and Vine from Youtube.

My wonderful Thursday consists of no flatheids. Last Thursday I had to take the kiddo's boyfriend to the railway station and then Shiva phoned me in the afternoon. So I went to see Shiva and we smoked an awful lot of skunk. Bought fags for joints on the way home. And I've been dancing the dance of death with the Nicotine Dragon ever since. Drank four bottles of beer that evening whilst watching Celtic on the telly. Dearie me! This is not my wonderful Thursday. Today I will have to see the Domestic Bliss for about an hour, and that's it. Hurrah!

You might not think it is at all wonderful to sit on your backside for hours and hours at a time, but this is because for you I cannot factor in the bliss. And the fascination of watching the bliss develope. And the warmth slowly turning to heat. And all that jazz. What a shame it is for the flatheids!

This morning I weighed in at just over eleven and a half stone, and this pleased me a great deal. I have lost a half stone in the last month or so. On Monday I did a short run during my lunch break. On Tuesday I did twenty of Mr Iyengar's yogic jumpings plus twenty minutes of shadow boxing. Last night the old, toothless one and I went for the hill run without the hills. This means you cut off at the road through the colonies instead of heading for fame and madness on the hills. Running with the old, toothless one has made quite a difference. We're talking about doing a half marathon next summer or spring, but our bodies are old. Still, whether you are young or old, running will still knock the crap out of you.

I'm trying to stay off the joints today. This will be a great day for the bliss whatever else I do.

Wednesday Afternoon

Wednesday 4:36 p.m.
Unusually for me, I didn't make it to the allotment this afternoon. I may still go. The problem was the bliss. I'd been having a wee lie down after a few apres jobbie joints. Dozed, but when I got up to go to the allotment, I felt almost heavy with the bliss. I thought: I'll have a wee preliminary sit down in the lobby before I go. One and a half hours later, here I am.

And what shall we do, Jack, when the bliss like a great ocean wave comes in with such amazingness attached? What can you do, Hotboy, but do the bliss. Do the bliss.

Last year at this time .... it's going so fast. I feel as if I'm helping something instead of doing something. The last couple of weeks have seen such a change! Oh, ra bliss, ra bliss, ra bliss.

Hello, Ms Jansen from Belgium! Thanks for sticking with this blog although it is mostly rubbish. It is for such a you that I'm going to keep it going since it might be doing you some good. I do not like being unable to describe the bliss.

Bathtime with the Blissheid On!

Friday 11:20 p.m.
All the photies are from the allotment, but the last one wasn't taken on Wednesday.

I donned the Beer Monster Reduction Vehicle tonight and did a yogic jumpings and shadow boxing routine, the six threes. Then I went into the bath. No cannybliss yogurts beforehand this time.

Never has there been such wonderful bliss in the bath before!! Even the bliss in the bath has moved on! I must say that the bliss in the bath is the most fabulous side effect from doing the juju of jujus, the great vajrayana. It was all over me tonight. Everywhere was the bliss. Oh, ra bliss, ra bliss, ra bliss!