Bailing Out!

Monday 8:02 p.m.
I've decided to bail out and head for home. This morning at the drupchen was great really. For the two meditation sessions proceeding this I'd been slipping in and out of sleep. After the luncho collapso, I thought I'd make up on the snooze time in the tent, but the wriggly monster underneath wouldn't let me doze off! This ruined the afternoon session as I kept falling asleep again, and eventually ended up just wishing it was over. What with the lama not leading the sessions and the weather forecast for heavy rain over the next three ... bugger it!

Reading Tsongkhapa's Book of the Three Inspirations has been interesting over the years. Some parts, which I'd skimmed before because they were way beyond the stage I was at, seem much more relevant now. I'd just more or less ignored the stuff with any sexual references, and warnings about heightened sexual cravings, etc. This juju is heavy duty and you have to watch what you're doing.

Today I was noticing particularly the variations in outcomes. Some folk get more heat than bliss or ecstasy, etc. Some folk find some things easier than others. This isn't just a single route. Different folks for different strokes, I guess.

Over this holiday, and particularly since hearing that my friend had been given the irreducible black spot, I've decided to stop being so goal orientated, to stop trying to achieve stuff. Like melting the drops, blazing and dripping, or whatever. I'm just going to enjoy the meditations, which look like continuing to improve as time goes on as long as I keep doing them. I think this is partly why I'm bailing out of here when I've still got time paid for. I don't think I've ever left here earlier than I'd planned before, no matter how difficult it was.

I want to lie in my bed and do the allotment and get myself mentally prepared for going to Skye with the hell beings.

Once or twice recently when I've been speaking to flatheids, I've thanked my lucky stars that I learned to meditate. But I'm going to try and hammer it less and enjoy it more. I can surf the oceans of bliss for God's sake! What more can a body ask for? Apart from a decent night's sleep!