Recovery!

Wednesday 9:50 p.m.
On reflection, going to Skye with the flatheids was as disastrous as I had anticipated. I think I'm just getting over it. My ability to concentrate over the last few days has been very poor, but I've had nothing to drink or smoke, and I haven't done anything bad to myself since Sunday. Purification and accumulation. Dearie, dearie me! Anyway, I managed to stand up for my right to juju and will not be partying out of town this coming Saturday after all, cold shoulders notwithstanding.

It would have been so, so depressing. I think just about the happiest I can remember being was on the evening I last came back from the Samye Ling. I was joyous, so I was, Jack! Blissed out and full of joy! It's been downhill all the way after that, but now I feel as if I'm slowly clawing my way back.

I haven't got the slightest desire to smoke tobacco (and I have no bob hope), but I can't remember having such a crabbit response to stimuli for a long time. God help those poor basturns trying to give up fags with a real habit, like a twenty a day one.

Tonight I did some hatha yoga in front of the telly; standing postures, a handstand, elbow balance and crab. Been such a long time since I've done these! Probably years. My standing postures were actually not bad which was a bit of a surprise, but not as big a surprise as managing the handstand.

My heart was running at 58 beats a minute in Bellshill train station last Friday, but I haven't felt this unfit for years and years.

Tomorrow I should be up bright and early. I'll meditate, clean up my room and start work on the re-write of xxxBomber. Someone asked if he could put my books on a free books site called www.obooko.com and I said yes. I sent an email to my agent last week asking if the McCoy book was dead in the water and got no response.

The train from Bellshill was held up in West Calder. The story was that a bridge jumper had killed himself further up the line, but it turned out that a fourteen year old somehow got stuck on the tracks. Go to heaven, son! Go to heaven!

Tomorrow will be the start of better days! No jobbie till Monday and I get paid tomorrow. Hurrah!