9:31 a.m.
Whilst waiting for the rain to go off so I could pack my tent.
Feeling pretty knackered here. I got a nudge from that which wriggles under the tent just before I went to sleep last night and then the downpour wakened me up through the night.
Satiation, contentment, completion .... I feel very good about the time I've spent here during this holiday, about fifteen or sixteen days. If I wasn't going to Skye ... that's always been sitting waiting like a great brooding toad at the end of the six weeks. I don't want to be home on Friday and then spending all day in the car on Saturday.
I'd like to find my tao, Jack. What is your tao, Hotboy? I don't know, Jack. Maybe that's why I can't find it. I think it might be something to do with Right Effort. And what you really want. Like everyone else I'd like to be happy. This might mean being happy with yourself and what you are thinking and doing.
I've spent a lot of time not writing over the last few years so I could try really hard at this Medicine Buddha juju, and I have made considerable progress. Among all the benefits, a heightened sexuality has been evident at times and, I suppose, most folk might think that was a benefit as well.
Maybe I just need a bit of a rest! A couple of good nights' sleep, but I think I should be going more straightforward calming meditations and analytical meditations. I get oodles of bliss. I need more emptiness. I need more non-self.
I was speaking to a retired joe a few days ago. Mentioned that to me Buddhism was about non-self and emptiness. He has no idea what I was talking about. Hearing about my friend getting the black spot (never having had the bliss!), has made me realise what a fortunate, fortunate creature I am.
I'm fed up retreated. Forward, forward! All my plans are simple!
Tuesday, 4 August 2009
Monday, 3 August 2009
Bailing Out!
Monday 8:02 p.m.
I've decided to bail out and head for home. This morning at the drupchen was great really. For the two meditation sessions proceeding this I'd been slipping in and out of sleep. After the luncho collapso, I thought I'd make up on the snooze time in the tent, but the wriggly monster underneath wouldn't let me doze off! This ruined the afternoon session as I kept falling asleep again, and eventually ended up just wishing it was over. What with the lama not leading the sessions and the weather forecast for heavy rain over the next three ... bugger it!
Reading Tsongkhapa's Book of the Three Inspirations has been interesting over the years. Some parts, which I'd skimmed before because they were way beyond the stage I was at, seem much more relevant now. I'd just more or less ignored the stuff with any sexual references, and warnings about heightened sexual cravings, etc. This juju is heavy duty and you have to watch what you're doing.
Today I was noticing particularly the variations in outcomes. Some folk get more heat than bliss or ecstasy, etc. Some folk find some things easier than others. This isn't just a single route. Different folks for different strokes, I guess.
Over this holiday, and particularly since hearing that my friend had been given the irreducible black spot, I've decided to stop being so goal orientated, to stop trying to achieve stuff. Like melting the drops, blazing and dripping, or whatever. I'm just going to enjoy the meditations, which look like continuing to improve as time goes on as long as I keep doing them. I think this is partly why I'm bailing out of here when I've still got time paid for. I don't think I've ever left here earlier than I'd planned before, no matter how difficult it was.
I want to lie in my bed and do the allotment and get myself mentally prepared for going to Skye with the hell beings.
Once or twice recently when I've been speaking to flatheids, I've thanked my lucky stars that I learned to meditate. But I'm going to try and hammer it less and enjoy it more. I can surf the oceans of bliss for God's sake! What more can a body ask for? Apart from a decent night's sleep!
I've decided to bail out and head for home. This morning at the drupchen was great really. For the two meditation sessions proceeding this I'd been slipping in and out of sleep. After the luncho collapso, I thought I'd make up on the snooze time in the tent, but the wriggly monster underneath wouldn't let me doze off! This ruined the afternoon session as I kept falling asleep again, and eventually ended up just wishing it was over. What with the lama not leading the sessions and the weather forecast for heavy rain over the next three ... bugger it!
Reading Tsongkhapa's Book of the Three Inspirations has been interesting over the years. Some parts, which I'd skimmed before because they were way beyond the stage I was at, seem much more relevant now. I'd just more or less ignored the stuff with any sexual references, and warnings about heightened sexual cravings, etc. This juju is heavy duty and you have to watch what you're doing.
Today I was noticing particularly the variations in outcomes. Some folk get more heat than bliss or ecstasy, etc. Some folk find some things easier than others. This isn't just a single route. Different folks for different strokes, I guess.
Over this holiday, and particularly since hearing that my friend had been given the irreducible black spot, I've decided to stop being so goal orientated, to stop trying to achieve stuff. Like melting the drops, blazing and dripping, or whatever. I'm just going to enjoy the meditations, which look like continuing to improve as time goes on as long as I keep doing them. I think this is partly why I'm bailing out of here when I've still got time paid for. I don't think I've ever left here earlier than I'd planned before, no matter how difficult it was.
I want to lie in my bed and do the allotment and get myself mentally prepared for going to Skye with the hell beings.
Once or twice recently when I've been speaking to flatheids, I've thanked my lucky stars that I learned to meditate. But I'm going to try and hammer it less and enjoy it more. I can surf the oceans of bliss for God's sake! What more can a body ask for? Apart from a decent night's sleep!
Samye Monday
9:15 a.m.
I wakened up far too early this morning and I keep falling asleep during the medtitations ... so far.
Something seemed to be eating the grass and dunting the side of the tent this morning very early on. Could it be the giant flesh eating rabbits? Whatever it was seemed to have got under the first flysheet and was definitely nudging the tent at my feet. What?
I went back to sleep then there was a wriggly feeling massaging the back of my legs. Like a ripple. I was lying on my back. The last time anything mysterious like that was happening to me was when I used to lie drunk in a hammock in Australia and the half feral cat used to rub against my back. So I tapped at the groundsheet part of the tent and hoped whatever it was would go away. I thought it might be a mole, sending a wave over the soil under the tent. Anyway, I was feeling this through the sleeping bag, the insulation sheet and the base of the tent.
I think something is coming to live under the tent, Jack. Don't worry, Hotboy, it'll only be an anaconda. They're harmless. So are pythons. It's the flesh eating mice you've got to worry about.
Has something like this happened to anyone out there before? Answers on a postcard, please.
12:25 p.m.
Special morning really. Tons and tons of bliss. Vast openings, but not much heat. Not really hammering the vase breathing though. Anyway, I feel a bit more settled than I did this morning.
I wakened up far too early this morning and I keep falling asleep during the medtitations ... so far.
Something seemed to be eating the grass and dunting the side of the tent this morning very early on. Could it be the giant flesh eating rabbits? Whatever it was seemed to have got under the first flysheet and was definitely nudging the tent at my feet. What?
I went back to sleep then there was a wriggly feeling massaging the back of my legs. Like a ripple. I was lying on my back. The last time anything mysterious like that was happening to me was when I used to lie drunk in a hammock in Australia and the half feral cat used to rub against my back. So I tapped at the groundsheet part of the tent and hoped whatever it was would go away. I thought it might be a mole, sending a wave over the soil under the tent. Anyway, I was feeling this through the sleeping bag, the insulation sheet and the base of the tent.
I think something is coming to live under the tent, Jack. Don't worry, Hotboy, it'll only be an anaconda. They're harmless. So are pythons. It's the flesh eating mice you've got to worry about.
Has something like this happened to anyone out there before? Answers on a postcard, please.
12:25 p.m.
Special morning really. Tons and tons of bliss. Vast openings, but not much heat. Not really hammering the vase breathing though. Anyway, I feel a bit more settled than I did this morning.
Sunday, 2 August 2009
Samye Third Day Night
9:19 p.m.
After the gong bashers left and the temple was all for moi, it was pure sweeties tonight, so it was. Despite being still lousy at the visualisations of the channels, symbols and all, I really am getting tons of bliss from these meditations.
This was after thinking today that I might get home early; wondering if I wasn't committing too much of myself and my time to this juju, etc.
None of this is entirely easy of course. You have to get fed fab meals and share a space with some spiritual giants, some of whom are playing weird ethnic music for you and doing some great chanting. Murder so it is! I can't wait till I get to the pub in Skye next week.
I'll be sitting in the corner with my eyes rolling about in my head, in a full lotus of course, while Brian Wilson and Landfill Jim hand out the fliers to the local gurls. HUMP A LIVING SAINT. PURELY FOR RELIGIOUS REASONS OF COURSE. PLEASE BRING YOUR OWN GONG.
I think I'm getting over tired again, Jack. Time to head off for the sleeping bag for a luxurious night's kip. I must be off my head!
After the gong bashers left and the temple was all for moi, it was pure sweeties tonight, so it was. Despite being still lousy at the visualisations of the channels, symbols and all, I really am getting tons of bliss from these meditations.
This was after thinking today that I might get home early; wondering if I wasn't committing too much of myself and my time to this juju, etc.
None of this is entirely easy of course. You have to get fed fab meals and share a space with some spiritual giants, some of whom are playing weird ethnic music for you and doing some great chanting. Murder so it is! I can't wait till I get to the pub in Skye next week.
I'll be sitting in the corner with my eyes rolling about in my head, in a full lotus of course, while Brian Wilson and Landfill Jim hand out the fliers to the local gurls. HUMP A LIVING SAINT. PURELY FOR RELIGIOUS REASONS OF COURSE. PLEASE BRING YOUR OWN GONG.
I think I'm getting over tired again, Jack. Time to head off for the sleeping bag for a luxurious night's kip. I must be off my head!
Samye Third Day
9:31 a.m.
Last night in the temple was wonderful. It's great when the gong bashers leave and the place gets darkened and there's usually no one else there but moi. What a fabulously reaffirming meditation I had! This morning I wakened up in a glow! Hurrah!
2:31 p.m.
Excellent morning here! Stopped meditating at ten to twelve and went into the back temple to do some headstands and tai chi. This dakini came in and asked if I minded her doing some yoga. Go ahead! Hmmmm? Then the luncho collapso and a half hour snooze in the tent.
I found these bits in the Book of the Three Inspirations over luncho.
1) Speaking of Marpa, the book says: " ... he learned the methods of inducing the four blisses through both the inner practise of inner heat and the outer practise of kamamudra yoga."
My assumption had been that you had to have induced the four blissed before you got the consort(s).
2) "When one trains well in this technique (i.e. getting the winds into the central channel), the strength of the experience has power to control the loss of the bodhimind substance (i.e. the sexual drops). Then, based on this power, one can rely on a kamamudra as a conducive condition to arouse the four blisses. On this foundation, innate ecstasy is aroused."
What if your teeth are shot to hell, and you're an old fat drunken basturn unable to find a kamamudra with short sightedness, Hotboy? Well, Jack, I think then we may be taking winking into the path.
This is a weird religion, so it is!
Last night in the temple was wonderful. It's great when the gong bashers leave and the place gets darkened and there's usually no one else there but moi. What a fabulously reaffirming meditation I had! This morning I wakened up in a glow! Hurrah!
2:31 p.m.
Excellent morning here! Stopped meditating at ten to twelve and went into the back temple to do some headstands and tai chi. This dakini came in and asked if I minded her doing some yoga. Go ahead! Hmmmm? Then the luncho collapso and a half hour snooze in the tent.
I found these bits in the Book of the Three Inspirations over luncho.
1) Speaking of Marpa, the book says: " ... he learned the methods of inducing the four blisses through both the inner practise of inner heat and the outer practise of kamamudra yoga."
My assumption had been that you had to have induced the four blissed before you got the consort(s).
2) "When one trains well in this technique (i.e. getting the winds into the central channel), the strength of the experience has power to control the loss of the bodhimind substance (i.e. the sexual drops). Then, based on this power, one can rely on a kamamudra as a conducive condition to arouse the four blisses. On this foundation, innate ecstasy is aroused."
What if your teeth are shot to hell, and you're an old fat drunken basturn unable to find a kamamudra with short sightedness, Hotboy? Well, Jack, I think then we may be taking winking into the path.
This is a weird religion, so it is!
Saturday, 1 August 2009
Samye Saturday Night!
8:00 p.m.
I'm even more at odds with myself for being here than I was the last time I came down. I guess I was enjoying lolling about in Edinburgh, getting addicted once again to tobacco and sampling the home brewed beer. With the Domestic Bliss and her friend being here till today ... well, that was unsettling. I meant I was doing something other than meditating or reading about meditating, etc. Far too many conversations. We had one at lunchtime today with someone else .... going on and on. To me when I'm down here the last thing I was is a lot of frivolous conversation.
Then the Domestic Bliss drove away and I wanted to go with her. I couldn't even be bothered listening to the Dhammapada. The drupchen was not being led by the abbot which was a disappointment I must say.
At the chenrezig prayers this evening, a huge space for bliss opened up and that's been the best thing so far. Too many people, too much noise. I hope they all bugger off tomorrow or Monday. I might bugger off myself at this rate!!
Because the computery thing in my bedroom has no connectivity, I read through a few pages of old books last week. Did like The Real McCoy, but not so much RaBlissBook. Looked at the first chapter of Bomber. I'm going to re-write that. It needs tons of work, but it'll be faster than going on with the Traffic Warden book.
I need to spend less time meditating to write again, change priorities. I'll need to cut down on my drinking and stop funging around with tobacco. Oh well, back off to the temple for moi!
I'm even more at odds with myself for being here than I was the last time I came down. I guess I was enjoying lolling about in Edinburgh, getting addicted once again to tobacco and sampling the home brewed beer. With the Domestic Bliss and her friend being here till today ... well, that was unsettling. I meant I was doing something other than meditating or reading about meditating, etc. Far too many conversations. We had one at lunchtime today with someone else .... going on and on. To me when I'm down here the last thing I was is a lot of frivolous conversation.
Then the Domestic Bliss drove away and I wanted to go with her. I couldn't even be bothered listening to the Dhammapada. The drupchen was not being led by the abbot which was a disappointment I must say.
At the chenrezig prayers this evening, a huge space for bliss opened up and that's been the best thing so far. Too many people, too much noise. I hope they all bugger off tomorrow or Monday. I might bugger off myself at this rate!!
Because the computery thing in my bedroom has no connectivity, I read through a few pages of old books last week. Did like The Real McCoy, but not so much RaBlissBook. Looked at the first chapter of Bomber. I'm going to re-write that. It needs tons of work, but it'll be faster than going on with the Traffic Warden book.
I need to spend less time meditating to write again, change priorities. I'll need to cut down on my drinking and stop funging around with tobacco. Oh well, back off to the temple for moi!
Samye First Day
Saturday 9:15 p.m.
Unremitting rain on the tent kept me in the sleeping bag till half eight. Getting started in the rain is a problem with this camping lark. Nothing quite like a hot reviving shower and a change of clothes! The Domestic Bliss will be going today and then it's just all about meditating and being on retreat. Dearie me! I don't think the first session of the drupchen will start for half an hour. Hmmm? Another cup of coffee, please!
3:26 p.m.
The Domestic Bliss has gone. She met a friend down here who is gone as well. I might be a goner soon, so I'll have to make the best of this time. Yes, I will! So here comes more gong bashing. Only disappointment is that the abbot isn't doing it this year! I'm such a fan!
Unremitting rain on the tent kept me in the sleeping bag till half eight. Getting started in the rain is a problem with this camping lark. Nothing quite like a hot reviving shower and a change of clothes! The Domestic Bliss will be going today and then it's just all about meditating and being on retreat. Dearie me! I don't think the first session of the drupchen will start for half an hour. Hmmm? Another cup of coffee, please!
3:26 p.m.
The Domestic Bliss has gone. She met a friend down here who is gone as well. I might be a goner soon, so I'll have to make the best of this time. Yes, I will! So here comes more gong bashing. Only disappointment is that the abbot isn't doing it this year! I'm such a fan!
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